Peaked in high school

I haven’t written in a while, so I hope this isn’t too hard to follow.
As the title suggests, I’m going to talk about how I feel I peaked in high school, and how I feel now in relation to then.

I, (22M), graduated just before covid hit. I’d gotten to genuinely appreciate my peers over the past 2 years I’d been with them. Most were “school friends”, but many were people who I’d see outside of school too.

I’ve always been isolated on my personal time. Being able to stay in the void of my own head was awesome. I would spend my nights no-lifing games that bring me a great amount of nostalgia. But always the single player kind. Somewhere along the way I also started smoking weed til it became a necessity in every evening.

At my school, there was your generic group of stoners that would always be getting together for a smoke sesh. I quickly became part of that group. Many people were just shallow, and would only talk to you in hopes for a cigarette or a fix of any sort, really.
On the other hand, I also met some really great, uplifting people.

By the end of my graduating year, it hurt knowing that I’d likely never talk to most of these people again. I knew they probably didn’t feel the same. I’d grown so comfortable around anyone and everyone, and it made me proud. I’m not really the extrovert type.

I tried keeping in touch with a lot of people, but that obviously deteriorated. Then covid happened not all that long after, and I even had some close friends fall out of touch.

Now in present day, I work full-time, still living with my parents. I usually feel like I can’t muster the energy to go out even once, aside from work. My job makes me a bit of a lone wolf, so I rarely give myself the task of meeting new people.

I still have close friends that I talk to, but my circle has shrunk drastically, usually only keeping in touch with 3-4 people. I can still very easily hold conversation, but I filter myself way more than I should. I started hating when people state the obvious (especially at home, or at work), so I stopped. And thus, often times I just don’t speak.

I still have my routine of isolating myself, gaming, and smoking. It’s kinda destructive a lot of the time.

I’m probably romanticizing it, but my old self seems a lot more attractive than my current self. I was always glowing, even if it was just a face. I’d make myself available to everyone because in my eyes, the greatest thing ever was the magic another person can bring to your world.
Now I’m just a loner that makes excuses and gives himself handicaps.