I met a girl 2 months ago, we hit it off and got along really well, and I quite liked her. I’ve never been in a long term relationship before, and freaked out when she told wanted us to be an item. We ended it mutually – I told her I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now, and she didn’t want to drag things out.
Since then I’ve been thinking about her a lot, and I was wondering how I even know if I truly like someone or just the idea of them? I’m open to a relationship and I’m thinking about reaching out to this girl again, but I want to be sure I actually do like her. If it’s relevant, I was sad for 2 days after ending it, and it’s been about a week now and I’m not quite sad anymore, but still thinking about her a lot.
4 comments
Before you get her hopes up, it would be good to get clear on why you didn’t feel ready for a relationship with her a week ago and now suddenly you do? Is it that you miss her because you can’t have her right now?
It’s hard to answer your question because it’s just a feeling and it’s subjective. Maybe you’re not ready yet because this is your first fling and you might experience the fear of missing out with other women. That’s very common when you have little experience. You value new dating / relationship experiences more at this stage in your life than being in a committed relationship. It’s fine. It’s normal.
Some people tend to idealize others… And sometimes that happens after a break up as you mentioned. The idea of her or those memories of the good times together are not always as they were.
Maybe is not this and you like her but you are not ready for a relationship, you were honest about that before.
Are you both still in contact or no? Since the break up seem it was amicable.
Not sure why you ended things with her when she asked the “so… what are we?” question.
If you aren’t ready but you do see yourself taking the next step with this woman, just tell her that you aren’t ready to commit at this time. You should tell her how many months from now that we can revisit the conversation so she, at least, has an idea when it is best to bring it up again.
Personally, the fact that you just ended things really makes me think that you weren’t really as into this woman. Be careful about rekindling things now. You need to be fully understand why you want to go back. Is it because you don’t have any other options and she’s the safe one to get back to? If you really don’t see her as a serious partner, you should leave her alone.