a few factors, I have a terrible gag reflex and a very small mouth. Literally blow jobs end so horribly for me. They usually end up in the guy feeling super turned off and losing interest in sex (if they dont jump straight to sex) and feeling shit about himself and thinking I am not attracted to him (which in turn makes me feel horrible) I also get very tired of sucking especially when they dont cum which I am doubting will ever happen with me through a blow job. Usually they end up jerking themselves off or switch to going down on me or intercourse. This has been fine with men who have been pleasers and not into blow jobs. Actually most of my relationships it was a non issue. However, I feel terrible and especially since I love the taste of cum and swallowing not being able to finish a guy off with my mouth and hands feels awful. I dont want my partners to settle especially given that a lot of them often make sure I cum and go down on me as much as I need. Is there any way to fix this?
27 comments
only practice i think? you should get an average size suction dildo and suction it to the wall or bath to practice on and you can go at your own pace ☺️
Have you asked them for what they want to see/feel/experience in a blowjob? Providing negative feedback without a clear wants is going to result in a bad experience for everyone.
You could try just licking it affectionately (like a lollipop or ice cream) while you are jerking it. You also don’t need to take it in deep. Just get in the head and circle your tounge. Plus you should ask them specifically how you should change your technique.
That’s horrible of them to say if you’re clearly putting in the effort and enthusiasm.
From what you described, I’d suggest varying what you are doing. Suck it a little, then lick, maybe run lips up and down shaft, then say just jerk it, and keep going around randomly. Some 😁 may even like their balls to get some love as well.
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Communication I would say. Let him know you have a bad gag reflex. Switch it up with licking and maybe playing with the balls. See what he likes. If a guy likes you, he won’t mind if you can’t give him a long blow job. Maybe have him get really close and have you finish him off with a blow job?
i have a small mouth and a terrible gag reflex. first thing is finding a partner who is fine, (better: enthusiastic) about being your practice toy. tell him to be vocal and specific. my partners that are more average are all obviously easier to work on so it’s much more fun, bigger guys i will occasionally accidentally hit with teeth cuz there’s just not enough room, so if your guy minds that then it’s probably not going to be a good matchup there. browse this sub for tips, try them out. i did that for a while. things like using your tongue in different ways, licking in circles while it’s in your mouth, flattening your tongue, moving your head different angles so your tongue can go along a part of the penis that he wouldn’t normally get to feel, .. i don’t have the ability to deep throat much and it’s not the end all be all of oral, but if he has a moment where he goes soft then use that as your chance to shove it all in and lick his balls (if he likes that). also dont be afraid to use a hand to help simulate something deeper, then you can keep your mouth closer to the tip and basically jack him off at the same pace and you can do more that way too. my current partner loves feeling me gag, and occasionally i’ll let him grab my head and be aggressive knowing i’m going to have to come up and throw up because he’ll hit my gag reflex too hard, and i wash my mouth out and we continue. (obviously we dont do this one in bed)
One of my FWB had a problem with her jaw so she couldn’t open her mouth much. What she did was lot of licking and just taking the tip in her mouth. It was very pleasant!
I have a minor case of tmj, so I don’t unhinge my jaw or open it super wide. I also have a REALLY strong gag reflex when something hits the back ofnmy throat.
That having been said, both of my most recent sexual partners have been INCREDIBLY fond of my blow jobs (u/LostAd6009 is one of those). I do not deep throat but that doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE to suck dick and it doesn’t mean I’m not great at it.
Fwiw, my BJs start from a place of enthusiasm. I love to do it and my partners can tell. It’s a bigger turn on for them to know I’m enjoying them. I take my time with it, I alternate between sucking the head and licking the shaft and sucking/licking the balls. Wjen I’m sucking on the head (and a little past the head…I can get about halfway down his cock with my mouth) I make it sloppy so that I can use my hand as I use my mouth. I basically position my hand so that the pointer finger and the thumb (as the hand wraps around the dick) are resting against my lips. I move my hand up and down witb my mouth so that it mimics a bigger orifice.
Take a course in “lingam massage.”
I also have a terrible gag reflex and I’ve been told by more than one person that I’m the best head they’ve ever had. So no, you don’t need to deep throat to give a good blowjob.
Others have already commented on the communication aspect, so here are some concrete tips:
– Nothing beats genuine enthusiasm.
– Focus on the head, it’s the most sensitive part anyway.
– Compliment your motions with your hand.
– Play with his balls (if the guy is into it of course).
– And my favorite trick: instead of aiming for your throat, angle your head so that his dick is hitting the inside of your cheek.
Guy here. When she takes me really deep, it’s very hot, because it shows how hungry she is for me. However, the stimulation that puts me over the edge is at the bell end, not the shaft or ball end. Concentrate on the corona of his glans and his frenulum. ADD IN u/i2katsme’s advice about the thumb and forefinger, and you have an award winning BJ.
Go slow. Are you going all the way down to the base? Don’t go so fast that you feel like throwing up. Just go as far down as you can comfortably at first.
Play with his balls while giving head. Focus on pressure/sucking on the head that’s where it’s sensitive.
You can also use your hand at the base like a hand job stroking him while sucking on the head that way you won’t gag
Use your hand more. Up and down. Tasty lube. Thumb on the underside. Thumb can squeeze rather aggressively and you can ask what the right pressure is.
My wife doesn’t like giving head. I just deal with it and take a little bit on a special occasion. If someone is right for you he’ll be content with other things you have to offer.
I am going to try to answer this from the perspective of the receiver. But also has someone who has spent time a few different women who elevated the act of oral sex to an art form.
Relax. Seriously. If you are stressed your jaw and throat tenses and stiffens. Just chill.
Do what you want. This is far and away the biggest tip and something that has been said by more than one of the true artists. What that means is do not try to do some technique you read about online or saw in a video. Do not try to get him off. Seriously. Stop trying to make him cum. Just put that out of your mind. Do what turns you on. What feels good to you. Allow yourself to really get into it just by enjoying the experience because if you cannot enjoy the experience neither will he.
Did I mention stop trying to make him cum? Flip it. Imagine a dude going down on you and it is awesome and hot and then you realize that he is slaving away down there trying to get you to cum so this thing can be over. Yeah… that’s not at all what you want.
Stop gagging yourself. Take as much as you want, but do not try to choke yourself out. If you are with a dude who needs to hear you gagging or see your eyes water to feel good about himself you are with the wrong dude.
Less is more. This is something that just wrecks me. Go from a steady sucking and sometimes just stop. Take a break. Instead just very lightly run your fingertips or tongue along the shaft. Just barely touching. When you want it back in your mouth again, take it back in your mouth. The barely touching thing sort of puts every nerve ending on high alert. When it then goes back into your mouth those nerves fire like crazy.
That’s really it. I promise. You do not need a deep throat. Please do not do some fucking jackhammer technique you saw on porn hub. Just relax. Enjoy yourself. Do what feels good. Switch from deep contact to light touches. That’s really all you need..
If you aren’t already, get good at handjobs and sometimes add a little mouth action on the head, or licking of the balls. Not everyone is built to be amazing at bj’s and that’s okay as long as you do other things to please.
I have a horrible gag reflex too sis! So bad that brushing my tongue a certain way makes me gag.. almost on a daily. However, I have NEVER met a guy who said I was bad at blowjobs due to my gag reflex. I must say however, it is highly dependent on the guys you have intercourse/sexual relations with. I am not really the vanilla type, I appreciate some bdsm culture… and most of the guys who I sleep with LOVE being dominant. With that being said, I’ve only ever had them for almost feral the moment I gag on their dick and my tears running down my face. To them it’s the hottest thing and they love to jam and fuck my mouth while I gag and choke. I’m not sure of your sexual preference but I just want to tell you that there’s guys out there that would LOVE your gag reflex. <3 Stay positive, those guys are just not meant for you.
More cock worshipping/balls + Handjob will do the trick!
Every time you do it, tell the guy you’re struggling because of how huge he is. If you can’t stroke the dick, stroke the ego. Receiving compliments for anything is rare for men, and they become very satisfied by compliments, especially about their dick.
That’s too bad about the gag reflex but it is was it is. There’s so much awesome feedback here. Love it.
I would massage, lick and kiss all around, chest, stomach, thighs, legs & his cock. Gentle with his balls but they are very pleasant to play with. Eye contact during this too.
I know that blow jobs are how my I got used to deep throating and got beyond the gag reflex. (But now I’m thinking they had shorter cocks.) With this being said, it does depend on length as my current partner is a challenge for me as he’s my longest partner. Relax, breathe, enjoy- it’s not supposed to be stressful. Sex & intimacy are an outlet and healthy and just so good for so many reasons. LOOK up Kim Anami on Spotify or YouTube this woman she’s awesome. She’s got so much information & advice for men, women, singles & couples, etc.
To add, you’re partner ought to be kind and decently communicative and respectful. I hope you aren’t made to feel bad. I have to say that I LOVE blow jobs and just the intimacy of loving on my partner. I could knead a man’s stomach and touch and kiss him all day. The is prefaced off of the fact that I feel connected and safe with my partner.
Practice. I was pretty terrible too but I bought a toy that I could practice on. It’s much easier to work on something that doesn’t move. Then have your partner let you practice on him but without him moving too much. I’ve gotten much better, able to deepthroat or even let my man throatf*ck me. I’m not saying I never gag, but it’s much easier now and I know I’m doing a good job so I enjoy blowing him. Your enthusiasm is honestly most of what men seem to enjoy anyway.
I’m sure Reddit knows of a YouTube channel that can help with this.
Try to google Nina Hartley and she has instructional videos for blowjobs, eating pussy, etc. Guess former porn stars know best.
I have a small mouth, and I don’t try to deep throat it. I mainly use my tongue and hands and my boyfriend loves it. Focus on the head and licking it, while jacking him off
“Frenulum blowjobs” look it up.