I am currently six months pregnant and have been having a hard time getting intimate with my fiancé. I’ve never loved sex more than with him and it was mind blowing before, but now, my vagina is just too small? Whenever we try I have to tell him to stop because my walls feel to tight and it feels way to shallow that it’s painful.
I now dread sex with him and can’t ever seem to be in the mood to have sex like we use to. I fear the pain and even oral sex because it usually always lead to penetration.
He’s been so supportive and understanding, especially when I was so sick during my first trimester. He never pushes me, but I still feel bad that I can’t give him the sex that we both want anymore. I know he’s sexually frustrated and I don’t blame him.
Any advice from mothers or spouse that have gone through the same thing? Nothing seems to ease my fear or get me motivated for sex anymore and it honestly just sucks.
22 comments
Never was pregnant but I would like to give my 2 cents.
It doesn’t need to be penetration, grinding can be a lot of fun as well even for him.
If it has to be penetration then try a position which doesn’t allow deep penetration, maybe that will be easier for you.
Not for everyone but maybe worth a try will be anal. Start it as a side dish and maybe you will like it.
Including some toys may be a good idea, a vibrator can help you a lot if he can’t penetrate a lot.
[removed]
We had the best success with her on top, and doggie. We tried spooning a couple of times but she got weird leg cramps
Just take it slow and do what feels best as a couple. Lots of hormones and emotions floating around so just go at your own speed. It will get better eventually
When I was pregnant and my belly is big, I am always on top. The spooning position also worked and also me on my back, with one leg on hubby’s waist while he is laying on his side.
Maybe try standing “doggy”. Where u can lean abit forward and hold on to something for support. My wife is 6 months pregnant, and she finds that most comfortable at the moment.
I, on the other hand, was a bit apprehensive to have sex, incase she gets hurt or uncomfortable or something to that effect.
End of the day, try different positions, use lube if you have to, and just take it nice and slow.
🫂
So, one mother to another, here’s the thing: your vagina doesn’t actually get smaller during pregnancy. 🤷♀️
What happens is that pregnant persons experience a blood volume increase of 20ish%, which causes swelling in the mucus membranes of our bodies…including our vaginas.
And that swelling can make everything feel tighter, at the same time that increased vaginal lubrication can also make us feel ready to play.
Then another thing happens. Due to factors like muscle strain and mental stress accommodating all the changes that pregnancy brings to our persons, we can experience some unintentional tightening of our pelvic floor muscles.
What I would do if I were you is share this information with my partner and agree to temporarily remove PIV from the table until you both get more of an understanding of what kind of stimulation works for you right now with this increased sensitivity. Then set aside some specific time to play, explore, and enjoy each other. Talk about what you want to share right now, what you feel comfortable exploring together, how specific touch and sensations feel to you in your changing body, and any fears or anxieties you have. Be open, honest, communicative, and vulnerable in this space.
If it’s important to you both to resume PIV, choosing to utilize a device like an Ohnut ring (incrementally adjustable modular penis ring that prevents deep penetration) can give you some invaluable peace of mind that you are safe from pain even if everyone gets a bit carried away.
Last but not least: as you have mentioned fear, stress, and pain multiple times, you might consider looking into some prenatal supports designed to target increased mental and physical stress associated with pregnancy. This can include seeking out prenatal massage, yoga, meditation, hypnobirthing, doula services, counseling, and the like. Address the source of this anxiety in your life to ease your transition into motherhood as much as possible.
🫂
Good luck!
Maybe give PIV a rest and get each other off in other ways. All the intimacy, well most of it at least, with none of the pain or fear. I had the BEST clitoral orgasms while pregnant!!
I would recommend doggy style, either normally or standing at the edge of the bed and laying the upper half of the bed if you’re tall enough.
Her on back, him on side, she lifts leg closest to him and pits it over him. Also allows easy hand access for him to rub clit.
* massage techniques to help your circulation
* going to a pelvic floor physio together where he can learn how to help your tightened pelvic floor muscles relax (this will help with birthing as well!)
* using supportive pillows and furniture for leverage and relieving tension, which will take some of the volumic pressure off your pelvic area which is hyper-perfusing your vaginal tissues
* exploring anal penetration as an option, if you’re open to it (definitely recommend using a lube injector / lube applicator if you do, making sure that you coat the inside of the canal thoroughly, especially near the opening, before trying to insert anything (he can actually hit your g spot from the rectal canal at some angles!)
* check with a pelvic floor physio to see if your cervix and muscles supporting the vaginal wall are tense – they may assign you breathing and mental-muscle connection exercises to help you release or control them
* use Oh Nut depth limiters – they’re super comfortable for both partners and work amazingly!
* get some smaller smooth dildos that you can use to gradually work up to penile penetration – like maybe one ¾ of the size of your partner, one ½, one ¼, and slowly start penetration with the smallest one and then ease into it until you want to try with his full girth – it may relieve both of your anxieties – I’m sure he also gets tense at the thought of hurting you!
You could always try extra lube, or different positions. A lot of foreplay as well before hand can help it feel more comfortable for you. But there is other things to do together aside from penetrative sex, maybe give those a try?
Try cowgirl, with the understanding that you are to be in complete control over depth of penetration, etc. Don’t skimp on foreplay! Try a good quality lube if you aren’t already using one. And if intercourse just can’t be don’t comfortably, focus on sex acts that are pleasurable for the time being.
I absolutely adored pregnant sex.
Don’t
4 kids 3 pregnancies and we had sex almost up to delivery. First trimester what worked best for her was missionary second trimester was either her on top of doggy and she would put pillows under her belly during doggy. The end was side ways. She’d lay on her side and pull her top leg up as far as she could I’d straddle other leg and penetrate her. She could adjust her position for comfort by rolling more towards her stomach or her back
Wife and I spoon sex for most of her pregnancy.
I’m 5 months pregnant and have to emphatically recommend the Ohnut! I was having really similar problems and the Ohnut solved them.
The couch was my best friend when I was pregnant, so much support, my husband could sit up and be closer to me. Me on top was definitely the most comfortable. When he’s behind it wouldn’t work really well cause I tend to lay flat on my stomach and use my hips but that was awful at 6+ months lol. Just try different things, you’ll find what works best for you both
Gently on top, he stays still you dictate the speed angle etc .
Doggy otherwise it’s bouncing bellies
Fine
Lots of pillows
Not about sex. Refer to other comments for that.
You have to make some sacrifices for the baby. It’ll be worth it. Let the champ grow peacefully in your tummy. Think good thoughts, say good things, words of encouragement etc, because the baby will shortly be able to hear you and will learn from you while in your tummy. I hope you know this.