I (F19) have been dating my partner (F25) for two years now (Long distance relationship). I warned her I was a bit jealous and insecure girl before we started dating, but she wanted me anyways. At the beginning, she was so loving and warm to me, called me her “princess” and such, made drawings for me, etc. But as time passed, she became cold to me for no apparent reason, we didn’t fight for nothing, I gave all my attention to her and I loved her with all my heart.
On December 2021, she met some guy in a social media app…that guy was sweet to her, so after 2 days of meeting him, she left me again because she “felt things for him”. I, again, accepted it gave her space…went to my therapist to discover I had depression and insomnia. Days later, she came back again: the guy lied to her about his age (he was 15 and he told her he was 22) Me and her got back together again.
Nowadays, I’m still dating her, but I feel like I’m nothing important to her. I like to be pretty for her (I care a lot about my kawaii fashion and dress up so she can see my outfits, hoping she likes them but she always says that something doesn’t look good on me). I give her all my attention and my love, I make drawings for her, I sing for her, but she doesn’t seem very excited about it. When I see her stories, she uploads pictures of her friends, saying “she’s my wife” “the love of my life” “I love you so much”, she makes drawings of her kissing with friends of hers I don’t even know, that hurts me a lot, but if I say something about it, she says I’m being childish and toxic, so I chose to keep quiet everytime I felt sad because of this. A friend of us asked her why she doesn’t ever show me off, and she said “I never feel like it, I prefer showing off my cute friends”.
Yesterday, she sent me pictures of an iPad her ex boyfriend (who is the father of her child and lives in her house) gifted her, I just said “Cool, enjoy it” and she got angry because I didn’t feel happy for her. I hate her ex and he hates me as well, so we don’t interact. Her ex is a tattoo artist and he makes tattoos on her for free (yes, in EVERY part of her body). When I’m on a phone call with her, I can hear her ex boyfriend’s voice calling her “my love” and she always answers him. I told her how sad I felt about this situation, said “are you done crying?” And changed to another topic.
So I’ve decided to tell her that I don’t want her to talk to me about her friends or ex boyfriend anymore. she got mad about it, and said “If you ever say such stupidity again, I will leave you FOR REAL, you behave like a 2 year old girl” I don’t feel like being caring and loving to her anymore. Am I a bad person for being like this? I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: My partner thinks I’m an asshole because I don’t like it when she tells me how much she loves her friends and the many gifts her ex gives her while she treats me coldly and never shows me off as if she was hiding me.
15 comments
Why are you dating her then? I get not wanting to hear about her ex-bf but asking to not hear about her friends is weird. And of course, the bigger issue with her is that she just doesn’t treat you well. I think you are both being unhealthy in your own ways and it’s creating a bad dynamic. And sorry but it’s concerning that she started dating you when you were 17 years old…
Why are you tolerating this?
I think if she’s not giving you the respect you want from a relationship, even though you love her. Maybe not waste time on her, you would probably find friends that love you more or someone who actually shows you off.
If she does a lot for her friends and ex, but not for you, the partner, her priority is not you. Then she doesn’t deserve you put her as priority.
It’s breakup time. The age gap, the poor treatment, the lack of connection…it’s all hitting a breaking point, and it’s time for the relationship to be over.
Long distance for two years would be an unhealthy situation for most adults. There is no way it’s a healthy situation for a teenager.
Having the ex and co-parent living in the home with your partner would be an unhealthy situation for most adults. There is no way it’s a healthy situation for a teenager.
You cannot build a real relationship with this woman. Get rid of her, and focus on your own life.
After leaving you for someone you are still questioning if she cares about you?
She needs therapy. You are so young, please don’t let this be how you start you adult dating life. If she was 19, I’d say maybe, but 25?
Please choose yourself
At first I thought maybe you were immature but reading through all of this, you’re TOO mature! Cut this person from your life! They do not care about you sincerely
She is mistreating you and I think it is naive to assume that nothing is happening with her “ex” boyfriend. She is showing you with her actions how she feels about you. Do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time with a TWENTY FIVE YEAR OLD who is openly expressing how much she does not care about you.
You teens need to start dating people you’re age and stop letting these grown ass people manipulate you. Grown ups don’t date teens because they love them it’s because kids are naive s d easy to take advantage of
You were 17 when you started dating? And she was 23? Oh no friend. You two have a power imbalance here. It won’t get better. You’re a teenager and she has a kid and multiple exes she’s juggling.
You need to work on yourself first and then find someone who is a better match for you. I’m glad you want to set a boundary about who you want to hear about, but that is going to give her an excuse to not tell you about things going on.
Have you met her in person? And why are you putting up with this? You’ve shared about your mental health struggles but at some point you have to reclaim that self esteem and take care of self. Dump her, YOU DESERVE BETTER.
The story just kept getting worse. This is so sad you are letting her treat you like this. Have y’all even met in person?
Your request is unreasonable, but that’s because you’re in an unreasonable situation. You deserve someone who treats you well, and this person isn’t even treating you like someone she likes. You can hear her saying she loves you, but watch what she’s doing.
Leave…..leave now and don’t look back. From reading your post and your responses to some of these comments. It is clear as day that she is manipulating the shit out of you by telling you she love you for who you are, she will never cheat etc etc just so you could stay if she tell you all these things….but she already broke that trust….she legit left you for a guy…..you some how took her back due to your love for her. But just know this she doesn’t and you should just leave, to her you are just another body until she find someone to move onto…sorry if this sound rough but someone has to say it
I’m confused why someone who’s still fucking her ex is dating teenagers but I can’t wrap my mind around this stuff anymore. Maybe I’m too old. Anyways just ghost her.