I M(17) met F(18) in uni we are in the same program
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We have been friends for three months now me and her
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When we first saw each other we got along really well. We began close after about a monthish of being friends. We spent a lot of late nights working on homework and playing sports. She is very enthusiastic to talk to me and there are even days where should would message me two even three times a day. I’m not the best student and she has always been there to help me out. At times I think I would be practically failing without her generosity. She listens to me without judgment and even encourages my dreams as I encourage hers. To say the least she is a great person and has always been there for me. But she is attached to me. I think in a platonic manner for the most part we don’t really flirt but we tease each other and joke frequently. She just got in a relationship right before university so she has a boyfriend which things are going well which I’m so happy for her. Now to the bad part, I like her dammit. Finally meet a good person and I end up liking her. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore due to me liking her its just not my style, I can’t see myself just being friends with her my entire life or even the next few years which she seems to think we are gonna be friends for at least the next few years. Proof of this was when I was talking about me publishing my book in a few years and I was like if were friends then I will send you a copy for your opinion. She was like why wouldn’t we be friends then with a confused face and seemed upset. When I like someone I ask them out plain and simple. If they reject me I move on and wish them the best. As cringe as this sounds I am unattached to all things due to my upbringing becoming attached to something is simply not possible for me so I can’t fully comprehend what she might experience. I care for little to nothing else in this world besides giving back to society and chasing that endlessly at the sacrifice of my own comfort. So you can see that my feelings in this whole thing are very minimal and I am not an emotional person. But its tricky because she is attached to me and I know she is so I don’t want to hurt her feelings by just ghosting her, she is a great person and deserves to know why but what is a good way of going about that.
2 comments
It doesn’t seem like the outcome is a big deal to you other than you don’t want to be close friends with her since you like her… which is smart I guess but why not do something different than what you normally do and try to continue your relationship with her as friends and not put more effort into it than is necessary. But then when you’re not around her just don’t focus on her focus on yourself because then you will be attached. Maybe see where the dynamic naturally goes. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about your friend and use the experience in your future relationships. Friends are extremely valuable along the line and at your age you don’t recognize that because you go to school and have endless opportunities for friends and your parents take care of you. But when you’re on your own in the real world and things get hard sometimes a friend is all you have to count on. I would recommend you keep her as a friend and learn to value friends more. And by the way I think you should lower the value of satisfying your own basic desires if you know what I mean and increase the value of genuine platonic loving caring relationships those are actually more important believe it or not. In this world you gotta survive first and you can’t do it on your own. If you can find Allies then keep them at all costs. Allies are supposed to help you and you help them you protect each other. It is a positive relationship. I say change your mindset . Challenge yourself to do that
Seems illogical, if she’s a good friend why would you cut her off? Just because you can’t be with her? Why not just enjoy her company without expecting to go further?
Besides, most people don’t date one single person in their life, chances are she will eventually break up with her boyfriend and you might have a chance. Don’t count on it or expect it to happen though, just let things happen naturally and see where it goes, accepting that it may not go the way you desire.