Title pretty much says it all. Looking to propose within the next 3-4 months so I was planning on asking late December. Looking for any and all thoughts/advice!
Edit: I should have said girlfriend’s father for HER hand. I also should have mentioned that I am viewing this more as a blessing than permission. Thanks for all the comments!
43 comments
Why do people still do this nonsense? A girl is not the property of her father.
You don’t ask. You tell him and if he refuses, you challenge him to dodgeball. Winner gets the daughter. And of course you will win because you are more fit and manly.
See, it’s important to establish dominance with your future father in law. Make him your bitch and he’ll know not to fuck with you.
I told him and her mom a few days before
Well here is the thing. Does your GF want this? If not or if your unsure don’t do it. I would be livid if my BF did this. Only do this if it’s important to your GF, if not better not to
Why would you want to marry her dad? Were you dating for a long time?
I didn’t, and my then-to-be wife would have been not amused had I done so. Please ask your to-be-fiancee before talking to the father.
Also, in general, I would propose first, and then ask the father for his blessing, if that is important to you. But the choice is your girlfriend’s, and not her father’s!
I asked for my wife’s parent’s blessing – both mom and dad – but I did not ask for her hand or for their permission. If they were to say no, I still would’ve married her. This was important for my wife too.
I have a good relationship with my father in law, but I never consulted him about marrying his daughter, it’s an outdated concept, plus my wife would not have liked it.
Not a bad strategy young padawan , marry the dad directly
I asked both mother and father when we were all on vacation. Her mother blabbed immediately to the rest of the family.
You’re gonna marry her father? Just ask him.
From another perspective…. I’m a suburban gal with a very and I mean VERY southern country man. We’re both middle aged and he’s intending on wifing me up. That being said, while at this stage of our lives- I don’t feel it’s “necessary” to do so, but he wants to speak to my mother (dad passed away 5 yrs ago) about his intentions and get her blessing to marry me (down the road when I’m ready). Who am I to mess with tradition? If it makes him happy, I’m all for it!
I don’t plan on asking him, reminds me of a time when women were thought of as property.
Like many others have stated, it’s icky to think you need “permission” from specifically the father. Just tell her mom and dad you wish to propose soon and that you hope they support it.
Depends on the family values. It’s not his place to stop you getting married, I wouldn’t ask for permission or the right to marry her necessarily. First I’d ask if your GF wants you to ask him, because she might not want that at all.
I’m of the mind that I would rather ask her first, and once she says “yes” *then* I will go seek her parents’ blessing.
I know suprise and everything and tradition and everything, but think about asking her? My wife had a rough relationship with her dad, and did not want me to. So i didnt.
My wife’s parents were abusive. I didn’t ask.
Does she want you to ask her parents?
Just went through this about 6 weeks ago! I told my fiancée’s Dad that I was hoping to talk to him about something when we were watching football outside on his patio. I said a nervous and rambling version of this:
“Your daughter and I have been talking very seriously about getting married. I love her more than I ever thought was possible. Family is so important to both of us, and it would mean the world to me to have your blessing to propose in the next month or so.”
He gave me a big hug and told me how excited he was. Great day, will never forget it.
My girlfriend would be ragin’ if I did that lol.
Is she the man’s property or what does that mean?
I’ve always felt like it would be kind of shitty to ask a girlfriend’s parents about marriage until *after* I proposed just in case she says “no.” I feel like it’d be pretty shitty for her to then have to turn around and rationalize her decision to her parents because they already gave the go ahead.
Of course, then it’s pointless to ask at all… because if she says “yes” and they say “no” it’s not like I’m going to change my mind. “Sorry sweetie, your Dad said no… you wanna stick around and fuck ’till I find a new girlfriend?”
I donno, the whole thing seems silly to me the more I think about it. If it’s important to *her*, I’d do it… but otherwise: naw.
You don’t? Who does this kind of stuff anymore. It’s not the 1800s. You propose and then tell her parents / your parents when you feel ready.
He doesn’t control my girlfriend. Why would I ask him.
you dont. its not up to her dad.
You don’t because it isn’t 1805
In the 1950’s?
Newsflash, you don’t, it’s 2022. A woman is not her fathers to give away.
I don’t because she’s her own fucking person and he doesn’t speak for her.
Can you explain why you think it’s important to ask for get father’s permission?
To me it seems outdated and borderline offensive. If he said “no” it wouldn’t stop you right?
Do you think father’s expect for permission to be asked still in your culture or…?
I personally (I’m a woman tho) would not like it if a guy asked for my dad’s permission to marry me. Like first of all, why my dad, why not my mom? I also don’t like that giving away thing some dads do at the wedding. Like, no I was never your possession and my new husband is also not in possession of me now. Such a weird tradition.
But I wouldn’t mind if you told them about the proposal plan. That’s really sweet to include the family. Just like “I’m gonna ask Suzy to marry me on Thursday at her favorite restaurant” and then see their reactions.
But I don’t know your wife. Some people want it to be more traditional. Have you talk to her about this?
You don’t because the archaic notion that a Father decides when or if his daughter can marry is cringe.
Inform the guy that you intend to propose & that it would mean a lot to you to have his and the Mother’s blessing.
Jesus, he must be a real catch if your dumping his daughter for his hand in marriage. 😂
You don’t. It’s weird.
I never asked. As far as I was concerned it wasn’t any of their business.
In my (F) opinion, never. I’m not property. But not everyone feels the same way. If you do talk to her parents, do it VERY soon before you propose. My relative’s now-husband waited a YEAR and of course her parents had told her and she was a mess for that whole year waiting.
You don’t. It’s 2022 not 1806
I did not, whole “tradition” rooted in misogyny. If my wife had wanted me to I would have to appease her. However the only person I need a yes from is my wife.
Not a man, but if my boyfriend did this I would be absolutely furious and reconsider our relationship, because it would mean that he either doesn’t know me at all or doesn’t care about my feelings. My dad will know I’m engaged when I tell him myself, because he’s controlling and we don’t get along well.
Have you talked about this with your girlfriend? What’s her relationship with her dad like?
If there is a strained relationship, don’t ask him. She’s not his property and it’s you and her decision to get married, not her dad’s.
The only circumstance that I could see a woman wanting it is if she has a good relationship with her dad
Don’t do it.
Somewhere around 1950.
I didn’t ask. I told him I planned to do it and asked if he’d like to be there. My wife isn’t a piece of property. Her dad didn’t own her before we got married and I don’t own her now.
I would advise just telling her parents and asking if they want to be present or just get a call after