Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and met at our high school job. We are also friends with another guy Jacob and his girlfriend Ava who worked there also. They have been dating for maybe 3 months. Ava started working at our job over the summer and became fast friends with my boyfriend. I remember him showing me her and saying “I’m gonna admit she’s pretty.” This isn’t uncommon as we are both bi and sometimes point out attractive people for the other to look at, but this felt different because they knew each other personally. She eventually began dating Jacob and we occasionally go on double dates. I’ve always thought she was a little flirty towards my bf. She snaps him many times throughout the day.
My bf and I have talked about potentially trying a threesome or something similar, but I have made it clear that I am not ready for anything like that yet, but would like to one day try it when I am. When we talk about it, he brings up Ava and Jacob specifically, saying “I bet they’d do it with us.”
They are nice enough people but this idea makes me very… insecure. I think Ava is prettier than me and skinnier than me. I’m pretty average (US size 8) but have a little bit of a tummy that Ava does not have. She also has big boobs, and my boyfriend is a major boob guy. I have always been insecure about my breasts because I was born with Poland’s Syndrome meaning I only have 1 breast. Guys in the past have given me shit for it and made it an insecurity, but my bf makes me feel beautiful. Still though, I feel as if he wishes they were different. His ex who he was still hung up on at the beginning of our relationship had big boobs too. On our last double date Ava wore a low cut shirt and I caught him looking at her cleavage. She also is kind of emo which I know he thinks is hot. I am pretty girly and am not emo.
About an hour ago on the phone he said, “by the way, I asked Ava if she and Jacob would ever have a threesome and she said that gun to their head they have agreed they would swing with us.”
I admit I am having a nervous breakdown. This is not something I’m comfortable with them talking about at all. I texted him to clarify if she said the word “swing” meaning she wants to fuck him and he said “Yes but I think she meant it in a foursome way.” I don’t know if she did mean that. Am I overreacting? How do I approach the situation with him?
EDIT: She is 18 not 17. But only recently 18 and I am almost 20 which is another reason I don’t feel comfortable doing anything with her. I’m mostly worried about my boyfriend potentially wanting to fuck her and her possibly feeling the same way.
3 comments
I’ve been in that position when we were new to trying threesomes. I’m the guy and I was the one that freaked out at first.
What I came to learn is that it’s all about trust. If there’s jealousy, then you might want to reconsider. I was a very jealous person before, but learned it was because I didn’t trust anyone.
If you have the curiosity and you’re confident it won’t hurt your relationship – give it a try. It’s amazing
Since you have mentioned your bf does make you feel beautiful, I think he has the capacity to understand your feelings of jealousy. You can tell him that you might be open to threesomes in general, but you don’t want a threesome that would include Ava / you are feeling jealous. He might be enthralled by the idea of having a threesome with Ava, but he should snap out of it and prioritize the relationship between the two of you, the moment you mention you feel bad about it.
You know you can just say no, right?
It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for any kind of group sex. You’d need to work through your insecurities (through therapy or some other method) before that would be possible for you, it sounds like. So don’t put the cart before the horse.