So I(21m) and my girlfriend (22f) have been on a very rocky road recently on this fresh relationship.
We’ve been dating a little over a two, almost three months now, and everything has changed from how it was in the beginning. Everything was great in the beginning, the dates, conversations, sex, all perfect. But now its just disappeared.
It all started over my GF apparently looking through my followings on insta (way before we even started dating) and found that I followed accounts that sold out to model/OF pages (that I wasn’t aware of at all). Apparently it made her super insecure because of the girls were absolutely nothing like her that she saw, but she never brought it up because we were not dating at the time. Fast forward to about a week before Halloween I notice her one night on her date nights acting super weird, and not her bubbly self at all. It seemed like she didn’t want hold my hand, talk to me, or even kiss me. Everything was off and she wouldn’t tell me at all what was up or happened, towards the end of the night I try pried (which I know I shouldn’t have done) to where she blew up and said something was wrong with us, and she needed time and space to think over it. So from Thursday that week til Monday the next week I gave her space, didn’t talk to her, only checked in and seen how she was doing. Finally Tuesday comes and we talk in person, she said she feels super insecure with her self because of what she saw on my follows, to the point where she feels disgusted with her body and can’t imagine us having sex anymore, and she doesn’t know if its fixable because she feels that I’m “out of her league” and “she’s not my type”. We talked through it and agreed on both of us working through this together, even though its going to be tough.
She doesn’t flirt with me anymore, the “I love you” have turned into “Love you”, we barely cuddle in bed anymore. Most of the time I can tell she doesn’t want to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, literally anything physical. She talked about our future all the time and barely doesn’t anymore. She wanted me around 24/7 and now I’m lucky if I get to see her once a week. Our texting has turned from amazing conversations to bland “how was ur day, oh well work was ok”. After this set of events she’s totally different from the girl I originally started dating, it feels like now she only wants me around when she feels lonely or needs something. Lately too i’ve been getting the feeling that she’s still stuck up on her ex that she apparently just got out of a relationship with about a month before we started dating (I was unaware of this originally), because she still texts him occasionally (nothing spicy), and still has all their pictures. I feel like I’ve become a rebound for her.
Fast forward to now, 11.28.22. I just got done spending the weekend with her and feels like this will never change, and it’s always going to be like this. We talked on Friday night about the situation, she still feels super insecure and is trying to adapt to this relationship as a “new normal” for her and even stated that if It was her in my position she would’ve broke it off when we first talked about everything, which honestly fucking hurt me because I know how she was with me before all this happened, she is a very sexual individual who was obsessed with me, now it seems like we’re friends that just kiss sometimes and goes on dates. Saturday we actually made out, which lead to it getting intimate and she said she “wanted to try having sex again”, so we did the deed but it wasn’t like how it was before, it didn’t seem the same nor did she act the same.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve spilled my guts to her, I’ve been openly communicative since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve opened my self up in ways to this girl that I haven’t with anyone else. I mean I haven’t even dated anyone before her in four years since my last ex. I tell this girl how much she means to me, how I think about us, her, and our future. Gifts, flowers, small & big acts but at this point it seems like nothing is working anymore. It all just makes me super confused because I’ve never had feelings like this before for anyone, I dated my ex for 3 years and those feelings don’t even compare to how I feel about this girl. At this point is it worth staying in this relationship or should I just break it off and let her decide? Or should I give her more time because I know this isn’t something that is instantly fixable.
TL;DR – Girlfriend insecure over instagram following that I wasn’t aware of, everything is different now there’s almost no intimacy in our relationship anymore, she’s been very unavailable, seems like she doesn’t want to be around me anymore but still says “I’m trying to work on this for us”. I just want out side perspective so im not totally being blinded by being head over heels for this girl.
2 comments
She’s a girl you’ve been dating 8 weeks or so. You’ve realized she’s not the one for you.
You’ve been with her for under three months, and you have learned she has terrible relationship skills. She’s bad at communicating, she will bottle up problems and harm the relationship, and she is deeply insecure. She would need a lot of therapy to work through all of this and improve on it, and you don’t even mention her trying to work on this in any real manner. Generally, giving intense therapy a try is what you do in a long-established relationship with a solid foundation that has run into a serious problem, not something you do when you should still be in the honeymoon phase with someone.