I need a little outside perspective here. I am in my late 30s, married since eight years. Ours is a very sexually charged marriage and we are intimate quite a lot. She works as a nurse on weird shifts and those are the times when I used to take care of myself while watching pornography.
But as my wife is picking more and more late shifts, I am missing her more in that capacity and now, porn is really not as arousing to me as it used to be. While pleasing myself, I have to fantasize about my wife, replaying our moments together from memory. Even when I am watching porn, in order to get to a heightened state of arousal I have to now close my eyes to all that and think about my wife. It is not that sexual imagery is not arousing. I can warm up to it but after a certain level of arousal my mind goes to her and my ejaculations are ALWAYS with her in my mind.
I would like to know if this is common in a marriage? I have had relationships before and they were sexually charged as well but I could still enjoy another naked woman.
Normal? Not normal?
14 comments
Maybe you two should talk about it
Sounds like a dream, I kinda wish my bf did that. Not that I hope for him not to get off on other stuff, but I often fantasize about him or replay memories even while watching porn because it’s far more stimulating to me. I think it’s sweet
You need to expand your sexual vocabulary. Text her when you are horny. Describe what you are thinking. Etc etc. Mahendra can be a solo act or with a partner. Get her involved. Maybe she can talk you through the process. Let your imagination go wild.
Most important is to communicate.
Best of luck
Totally fine. My husband and I are very active and always flirting. Sometimes the mood just strikes me when he’s at work or I just need a quick nightcap to drift off. You still have to have a relationship with yourself and keep that fire going; it’s literally self care.
I’m the same way. Film sex with her and watch it instead of porn. Surely any wife would rather their husband do this than watch porn.
Very normal. Do your thing man.
It just means you have emotionally and sexually bonded very strongly to your wife. It is how things are supposed to work to keep couples going strong.
It’s actually not normal for the opposite to be true. People and society try to play it off as normal but a good relationship should mean you are bonded to the point that you desire them more than others. It should reduce the attractive pull that others have so that you can remain faithful even during difficult times.
I have given my husband hundreds of images and he’s taken some as well as a few videos over the years. He refers to that collection more often than anything else.
Talk to her. Tell her what you’re telling reddit. See if she’d be willing to help provide you a cache to use instead of porn.
Right here dude!! Married 26 years and thinking of my wife during self-pleasure has been the norm for me our entire marriage.
Yep. Exact same situation here
Pretty normal to me. If I did have to use porn for some extra help getting there, I’m typically looking for someone with the same body type or attributes, hair colour, etc. Makes the illusion easier.
It would be easier with pics, but my wife has never been the type. More a dirty texter than pics.
Talk to her. Maybe she will find it hot, maybe she will find it appalling. Maybe you can compromise to find something she’s comfortable with that gets you there. It’s worth a shot.
Just don’t start the conversation with “I wanna jerk off to you when you aren’t here. Gimme pics”.
> Normal? Not normal?
Does it matter? You’re sexually aroused and satisfied by thoughts of your wife. Sounds healthy!
same. porn is so fake…I watch videos of us fucking to get off now 🙂
Maybe try (if she’s open to it) recording the next time you guys are intimate. That way you can watch your own homemade porn of you two. That could help. And would be fun while recording. Could be a bonding experience as well.