How to get over somebody.

I am having trouble getting over my girlfriend. We were together 3 and a half years. It was the best relationship I have ever had. We developed some issues after we moved to another state to be closer to her family. She became depressed and just began constantly smoking weed. At first I thought I was helping her and ended up basically doing all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, decorating etc. She would have melt downs and then I would just take care of stuff.

But then I realized I was enabling her. I was essentially doing everything for her so she could just get baked in front of the tv. all evening, every evening. So I confronted her and she took it badly and we almost broke up. But then she agreed to cut back.
She didn’t really cut back though, she just kind of hid her use and lied. Came home high, pretended I was imagining it etc.

Eventually she did cut back and we went to couples counseling. I noticed a pretty big improvement. She looked better, was more engaged, more on top of stuff. Went to her own counselor. Developed some hobbies, like gardening, yoga etc.

But then she kind of wanted to smoke more and more weed again. Snuck gummies and stuff like that. Started sneaking alcohol.

I just got worn down from confronting her and always worrying she was gonna get super high again or get drunk and throw up when I was just wanting to have a couple drinks with her.

The thing is she is a substance abuse counselor and used to be addicted to opioids. She considers drinking and smoking weed as “harm reduction”

My impression when we first met was that she more or less did these things in moderation. But I came to see that she is not really in control of these habits and is often just teetering on the edge of abuse. It made me want to not smoke weed at all and drink way less.

I am saying all this negative stuff but what was positive was basically everything else. We never fought about any topic other than substance abuse. We loved each other. Had similar values, sense of humor, great sex life. Very understanding, supportive about every other issue besides substance abuse.

But related to this might be an issue of an avoidant attachment style on her part that underlies the substance abuse.

Anyway it’s been three months since I moved out, but I don’t feel any different towards her. Like I am waiting for her to tell me she gave up weed and wants to get back together. Logically I feel like it’s false hope. In my heart I can’t imagine dating again or finding anyone else.