Exploring my sexuality with a more experienced partner

7 comments

1. Exploring the various Not safe for work subs is educational, also a lot of the wiki’s and faq’s for those subs. I strongly suggest reading about being sex positive and learning about the power of the words we use to describe thing, is on the way we feel and think. Closely linked to this is using more mild and inclusive language and banning yourself form using strong exclusive words like gross, disgusting, vile, yuck, etc. These words tend to trigger our disgust reflex and thats not conducive to sexploration. Then explore the porn subs as pictures are worth 1000 words. Watching these also desensitises you to more graphic images.

2. > I feel like people turn to porn to see all that is out there.

   Watching porn to learn more about sex is like watching _Battlestar Galactica_ to become an astronaut. Yes, maybe there is some thematic overlap, but you are not going to learn anything useful.

3. For heaven’s sake – I MAKE porn and I would never recommend that you watch it to actually learn about sex (except if you need a visual to help learn about some specific sex position). Porn is almost all made for the viewer. Sex is about the participants.

   Talking about sex is freeing, and the more you do it, the better you will get at it. There are plenty of sex positive subreddits here. Read to see the way other people discuss sex, then join the discussion to free your mind.

   You can always join that discussion together with your partner. Exploring sexuality alongside him may be empowering to you. He is more experienced than you, but he is likely not more experienced than the collective wisdom of the internet.

4. Actually, I’d suggest with starting with learning your body (and his body). In other words, rather than explore various sex acts or possible kinks — not that it isn’t fun! — start by really getting to understand both your bodies, what feels good, what gets both of you off, etc.

   Learning that can help guide where to go next. For example, let’s say that you realize that one or both of you really like nipple-play. Great, then that opens up exploring toys or techniques that focus on nipples. You get the idea.

   After that? The two of you could try using something like the Spicer app to see what kinds of things you’re both interested in exploring.

5. I would advise to not watch porn. It’s like a satirical over exaggeration of sex. You can only learn the mechanical side of things from it, like how to wrap your legs around in what position etc.

   I’d suggest you try to connect to yourself. Your imagination is the best place for that. Sex is not doing doggy style to do doggy style. Sex is what you want it to be. Try to observe your thoughts of things and situations where your lights are turned on. Are you turned on seeing him topless? Grab that image and fantasize about it. What to fantasize about? Whatever arouses you. In your head, you are the one making the rules. There is no pain, there are no confidence issues. You are who you want to be and you do whatever you desire with no repercussion and everyone you imagine plays by your rules. You can even do things you would never do in real life.

   With that you explore your own desires and become aware of yourself. Further down the road you can bring things to the bedroom. All positions in the world are just the way to enact your desires, the desire itself is only found and can be addressed if you get to know yourself

6. Read book ‘The bliss club ‘ if you want to explore your sexuality with an open minded partner. Very hands on instructions in the book on what to explore

7. There are a ton of free porn videos on manyvids and Twitter. You could also watch pornographic gifs on Reddit and redgifs. You can also read erotica on fetlife and fanfiction websites. Have fun discovering yourself!