**To set the stage:** I (26M) was seeing a woman (25) for a few weeks. We went on three dates, and she told me how much fun she had on them. We had made loose plans to hang out when we both got back home from Thanksgiving. When we got back, I tried to schedule a date, and she reached out to me telling me how it was bad timing with busy season coming up, and she is really stressed/falling behind with work. She said that it was nothing that I did at all and that she wants to focus on work for the next few months. We both work for big accounting firms and busy season is a massive commitment (55-60 hour weeks minimum), so I understand. I just responded by telling her that I have really enjoyed getting to know her and that if her schedule clears up and she wants to go out again to reach out to me.
**Where things stand:** I’m usually a very laid-back guy, but I was genuinely enjoying myself with her. It’s usually a chore for me to go out with women, but it was so natural with her and I got excited to see her. She has integrity and is an elegant person, and I loved her little mannerisms that I picked up on. This is why it really stings. It’s impossible to know truly what she means, but I wanted to reach out for some advice. Is there still potential here once things calm down in her career life? I have the same career and was willing to go through the busy season and still see her but maybe she just didn’t want to have any personal obligations that tied her down. I really don’t feel like I overpursued her but maybe she got the sense that I wanted to move things forward although I never explicitly indicated that. Any advice/words of encouragement would be very much appreciated! 🙂 My plan is just to focus on work and fitness for now and try to take my mind off of her.
14 comments
Is she letting you down easy? I would ask her. “Are you interested in seeing me when things calm down”
i would treat it as a rejection. 55-60 hour weeks dont preclude you from eating dinner, hanging out in the evenings, having coffee, texting, etc. like you said you are in the same boat and are fine with it. if she really wanted to see you she would bro. women will move heaven and earth to be with a guy they like. dont wait around for her.
What’s so hard about just taking her word for it? She says she’s busy with work, then she’s busy with work. It’s not impossible to know what she truly means because she told you directly what she truly means.
Yes it’s possible she’ll come back around when things slow down, it’s also possible that she won’t.
There’s no reason to go searching for answers where a question doesn’t exist, especially when that person clearly communicated to you her reasoning.
That’s always a soft rejection. They have time, you’re just not in it
A 60-hour week (working 6 days a week) is pretty normal for me. And not to mention some really long and weird hours, too. So, I get it. Throw in regular adulting like grocery shopping, laundry, etc. and it adds up. With all that said I still could wiggle an hour or two a week for someone. I’m a believer people will make time for what’s important. If she truly was interested, she’d find the time somehow.
On the other hand, if by some chance she’s truly too busy from sunup to sun down with no free time for anything outside of the essentials, is that really someone you want to be with anyway? Doesn’t sound ideal, unless your ideal is someone you only see on occasion as you are equally as busy. \
I think your plan is a good one. Focus on other things. You got overly excited about her and there will be others that you get excited about, again, in the future.
Maybe she is busier but to me this sound like she just isn’t that interested anymore. When a woman is interested in you they usually will plan around and compromise for things they want (you).
I’d say move on and if she comes around, cool. Just don’t put your dating life on hold for her is my advice.
50-60 sounds low. My ex worked for a Big 4 as a senior manager and she easily pulled 90+ hour weeks. We lived together and I still Never saw her off the computer or phone or combination of it.
If you’re only at 50-60, maybe you’re not working on a big enough account(s) as her?
50-60 hours a week is standard. If that’s truly all she’s working, it’s rejection.
But if she’s doing a true business season for a big 4, then in my opinion it’s not rejection.
Well just like you say it: you understand because you have the same career. You sound like you need confirmation but it sounds like a pretty legit reason. I can imagine that dating someone is more stressful than seeing your family for the holidays. So you know: you’re not exclusive, you can date other people and if she picks up the contact you can see each other again.
She’s rejecting you. Count on it, and move on with your life. You put it in her court, but here’s the deal…
If she was into you, she’d make the time or clearly communicate how bad she wants to pick things up when she’s free. I work 60 hours a week. I’m not too busy to date. If you were what she really wanted, she’d make time or make it crystal clear. My buddy is a heart surgeon who is on call all the time, works way more than this girl I guarantee, but he makes time for his family, and even his friends. She’s excuse making, period.
Even if she’s truly that busy, she’s too busy to date. So, whatever, it’s the same thing.
MOVE. ON.
Would you be too busy for ANY reason to find an hour in the next few months to see her? Text her, flirt, make it known you are into her? Yeah, no way in hell. So, you know.
Both of you have the same career.
If you were willing to work through your schedule to be with someone, Im sure she could squeeze some time to see you too. People aren’t always so busy for someone else that they have feelings for.
If you care for someone then you’ll find time even for 10 minutes.
Her “career life” won’t end in a few months. Its a career. My advice to you, move forward with your life and just meet others. Life is short to wait on someone, life is shorter to push someone that is supposedly compatible with you away but she did it. 🤷🏽‍♂️
If she isnt feeling it, she should really say something. If she did feel it, I guess it wasnt enough to make a bit of time for you. Its a load to me.
Sorry man, her interest wasn’t high enough. Any excuse along the lines of “I don’t have time to date right now” is a rejection.
Was there hanky panky on any of the dates? Kissing, sex etc? If there wasn’t any, and she states “I had a lot of fun” this often means she sees you as a friend, not a lover.
You handled this correctly, however, as long as you never reach out to her again. If her curiosity about you grows, she’ll reach out. Otherwise, move on.
I agree with the first comment. I understand where your coming from because your in the big4 most likely. I also come from a similar background as I’m in a large engineering firm and usually average 60+ weeks on top of everything else I do. It seems like your starting to become attached to her OP but that is okay. I recon that she’s seeing you as a option. Literally most of these comments are misleading you because when a girl really likes you she will try through hell and high water to keep you around and try to date you long term. This type of woman I recon has some type of options or some man barking up the tree constantly. And she will consider them because she is single. That’s why waiting isn’t enough because there’s other people out there that can move in. OP I know your successful and your good to go. I suggest that you look elsewhere you deserve it.
I’m overwhelmed with work. Basically a foot in the door tech job that I’m on call for 24/7. But I’m at peace with the fact I won’t be working insane hours forever.
That said I felt like it took my energy from the person I was seeing at the time. In reality though, I just wasn’t into her. With the right person, I would absolutely have the energy to hang with them on top of my work hours
She would make time if she was interested.