I (20f) have always been kind of a unique person. I don’t want to sound like one of those people who are “so different than everyone else” but I do kind of feel different in a bad way. When I’m in social situations I’m just awkward no matter what, even with people I’ve known my whole life. This is going to sound horrible but it’s kind of hard for me to pay attention to what someone’s saying if it doesn’t interest me. And I definitely do try to listen intently and follow along but I get lost and it usually leads to me saying something that doesn’t really fit the conversation. I don’t want to recringe and provide examples but just know that on the cringeometer I usually sit at about a 6-7.5, if 1 is Zendaya and 10 is Trisha Paytas. I never say anything offensive or too off the wall but just enough to make people question if I’m being authentic or not I guess. I also have this habit of just making shit up for no reason, and I regret it as soon I say it but once you lie it’s kinda hard to spin it back to the truth from there. I’m sure people can see through it but I’m just not sure if I even can be myself around other people. Something else that’s probably important to note is that I am a lesbian living in the south who only recently came out to a few people. Changing my personality and beliefs for different situations and social groups is just something I’ve gotten used to over the years. Disconnecting from that is hard especially when I remember that all these people who say they accept me now, said homophobic things to my face a year ago when they didn’t know. I have also been diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD from years of bullying and some things that happened when I was a kid. I do lots of therapy and communication skills and dbt and stuff but I guess connecting with other people in their early 20’s isn’t really something I can learn in an office. I know I’m behind socially and it’s causing me to miss out on so much at school. I want to take part and be around others but I’m so scared they won’t accept me. If anyone has any tips on how to feel more comfortable in your own skin or how to actually connect with people, it would be greatly appreciated! Also, any tips for how to not accidentally lie or how to do damage control when it happens too pls
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Yeah I would say you’re having authenticity issues so I would suggest trying to be authentic in social situations while being calm. The way to do this is to observe more of what’s going on in your inner world as well as outside of you. Just voice your inner world authentically. In order to do this you need to be confident in who you are. This is not a social task as much as it is a solo journey of discovery where nobody tells you what’s right or wrong and it’s all about your preferences and positive life experiences. It’s all about you. So maybe you need to focus on yourself more and prioritize your feelings. This will allow you to show up authentically more. And you are not behind because you’re only 20 it’s just some people are ahead of you but that’s only because they’ve had different experiences. I would recommend just carry on and keep trying but really stick with this authentic thing. I want you to be yourself 100% of the time and never be ashamed of that. That will solve a lot of your problems. Now just never let yourself be around people who make you feel less than your best! And that’s all there is to it! Just keep learning. And if you get to know more people the more experiences you can build upon but you have to commit to them. Which means always be your best self so you can present yourself positively to people and leave a great impact on them!