Hi y’all,
I need some opinions here, for context I’m relatively inexperienced in dealing with all of this and I have nobody to turn to.
I’m in my early twenties, I met up with this guy on vacation we spent the night together, I brought the condoms and he used them for round 1 and later ended up disregarding them and he pulled out which, I know I know, very risk especially since I’m not on birth control…I don’t know what was wrong with me for not being level minded enough during, to put a stop to it, I felt really stupid. I got my period and tested and we’re clear.
I’m meeting up with him again next weekend (he knows I’m not on birth control) and I texted that we should use protection this time, especially since Plan B would not work (ovulation window) he replied he would pull out.
I told him that’s too risky because of precum and all the myriad of other reasons I told him and listed above.
I don’t want to go on birth control right now as I’ve had bad results in the past, I understand condoms won’t feel as good as raw but like am I crazy here? Because pulling out in this case/no condoms is literally asking to get pregnant…(which no thank you) does he not realise?
Do condoms feel THAT horrible for men?
UPDATE:
Y’all he texted “plan b coat hangers jk lol”….meaning like the alternative to not wearing a condom would be for me to get pregnant and abort….I mean English is my native language and I just lost it, speechless.
I’d like to think I got a good sense of humour but I’m not gonna believe he’s “jk”.
I’m gonna go order myself a red chicken curry to raise the blood pressure he made me drop to 0 and have a self reflection moment because I’m clearly part of the issue here and after I’m going to answer him and move on with life. Even if after he tells me he’ll triple wrap it..I’m good thanks.
THANK YOU so so much to everyone commenting for not being judgemental and giving me sound advice. I really genuinely appreciate it! ❤️
46 comments
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If he said no condoms then no sex. End of line. STIs and pregnancy are huge risks, plus if he is not respecting your lines then he is likely to not respect you in other ways.
So neither of you are actively trying to prevent pregnancy here. Do you both want children?
The pull out method isn’t effective. I guess the bigger issue is that he won’t wear a condom. I’d stop messing with him.
I won’t even get started on STDs…
You’re not in the wrong and should be safe.
9 out of 10 who pulled out 10 years ago have a 9 yo kid
Damn, my daughter was produced while using durex
Just sayin…
Tell him to wrap it up. If he’s not willing to wear a condom, he’s not willing to listen/understand what your needs/desires are. He’s either really immature, an asshole or both.
YOU are assuming ALL the risk.
Don’t do it. If the guy is pushing this hard to not use a condom, he’s bad news.
Yeah it’s a risk and he’s willing to take it cause he wouldnt be the one responsible for pregnancy and possible raising it or dealing with abortion. It’s up to you and if he won’t, no sex.
Your instincts are spot on here. You need protection. Just because pullout worked last time doesn’t mean it will next time. My sister has 3 kids from using the pullout method with no actual birth control. It is really error prone.
If he hates condoms that much, then don’t have the kinds of sex that can get you pregnant.
Also, did you know STI infection rates are still really high? https://www.who.int/news/item/02-09-2022-stis-in-2022-emerging-and-re-emerging-outbreaks
You don’t have to givehim an explanation
If your boundary is that you want him to wear a condom (and i highly encourage you to use it), communicate that.
It is not your job to make him buy into your boundary. Your job is to communicate your boundary and decide (and do) when that boundary isn’t respected.
Well, some minutes earlier I read a post here “I (18m) wiped off precum before I went in and pulled out, but now my girlfriend (16f) is pregnant.”
No. Just no. STDs and pregnancy are real. He doesn’t respect you if he doesn’t want to protect you.
you know what they call the king of the pullout?
Dad
Condoms always unless you’re monogamous.
If he says no, don’t let him fuck the pussy.
Tell him to go fuck his hand instead.
Good luck being a future single mom.
Just don’t. No condom, no sex.
I have a 6 year old at home after using this method. Not that it bothered us, number two came along a bit sooner than planned though 😅
You do realize it’s not just a pregnancy risk, right? STDs are a real thing…..
You absolutely are not crazy. If you do not want to run the risk of getting pregnant use protection or do not have PIV sex. Period.
He realizes. But the risks are mostly yours and he’s willing to risk your health and having to skip town to avoid child support payments if it means he can hit it raw.
This is why we need better sex ed.
So he told you he didn’t want to use them? Or did he take it off? Either way a man who cares more about his pleasure than about being safe is not worth having sex with.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction
http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
If you are going to use the pull out method then please browse [babynames.com](https://babynames.com) just to make sure you are prepared. You are going to need it.
Pull out is how my mother conceived me in her early twenties. So no, I wouldnt recommend pull out as BC
Honestly, a good, well fit condom only reduces the sensation slightly. I love using skyn’s elite condoms. The warmth that comes through still is incredible. Additionally, their large size fits me just right (I’m a bit above average. Regular size constricted my base and would hurt). Case in point, I’m a hot blooded man and I don’t mind using condoms- better to be safe than sorry!
If he won’t use protection with you, you can bet he’s not using it with anyone else either, and someone that irresponsible can have any number of STDs that he seems to be completely willing to pass on.
Casually pull out of that relationship
Nope nope nope! The pull out method is better than nothing of course but it’s nowhere close to effective enough to use when you definitely don’t want to have kids. Him insisting on it is a red flag that he isn’t careful with other partners (risk of STIs even if you were on BC) and honestly that he’s not someone I would trust to even pull out correctly.
Track your period if you don’t already. It’s only a 6-7 day period that you can get pregnant which is your ovulation week. On that week, I would not recommend doing the pull out method but the other 3 weeks it would be fine.
Condoms suck, but not that bad and waaaaaay less than having a baby with some rando.
We hate this guy, tbh
No guy really likes condoms (I imagine theres some wierdo that does) but the risk of having a kid and catching STDs is too high just for getting the rocks off. If he’s going to ignore you then drop him. He can have his fun with Ms. Hand.
Go hang out with friends that have a new born baby. Stay the night with them but get up and feed and change diapers. Then you will know if it’s crazy or not….
They take no time to put on with enough light
They help to prolong intercourse
They make thinner condoms that feel better
Sign him on a contract that says that if you get pregnant you either get married or he gives you a ridiculous amount of money plus child support, get it notarized, and explain to him the chances of this happening with the pull out method are at leat 75%. He’d love condoms after that.
coat hangers?????? women DIE while trying to abort this way… he clearly is an asshole! something my mom always told me, when he asks to do it without a condom, he is doing it with other people aswell since he doesn’t care about it!! please don’t meet him and take care of your health, he could give you STDs
Don’t risk being a baby momma. Too many stories of baby mommas.
Omg, red chicken curry over pathetic-man-sex-let-down… smartest Woman on the internet today! Good for you. Stay safe and don’t sleep with stupid ❤️
Even if he did eventually agree to use a condom, he might even decide to get rid of it half way through. Just too risky. Glad you decided to walk away from him!
You should reply with “lol I’m just gonna use abstinence then since condoms seem too difficult for you”
how many other hamwallets has this dude rawdogged? STD waiting to happen even if you don’t get pregnant.
Smart move.
Everyone has the preferences. I’d personally rather not have sex at all than use a condom. You’re allowed to make the opposite decision for yourself.
Condoms don’t feel that bad. I can go both ways. Its no skin off hood back if you get pregnant. So he does not care
I know I’m 300 comments late to the party. But I’m a man who is no fan of condoms. The women assume I’m not that into them because I last way too long. The rubber don’t arouse the man and I’m sure it doesn’t for you. One lady injected spermicide but I pulled out anyway. Being tested is key for sti is what I do but to some men it can be an excuse to feel you others like myself will only be a Dildo to you… Good luck
Sounds like a loser. Don’t waste your time with him
Me and my boyfriend haven’t used condoms for 5 years. My boyfriend controls himself perfectly and takes out a dick early.
It definitely doesn’t feel half as good for me but my advice:
No glove, no love.
I had 4 kids and pullout method worked for me,all the kids were planned. It doesn’t work sometimes because the dude doesn’t pull out in time .
Outside of one time when I wasn’t expecting to hook up with a girl, I always used condoms when having hook ups or fuck buddies. Just not worth the potential problems and risks. If they can’t accept/understand that then it’s a no go