I’m a 28F, and I currently work full-time and go to school full-time. I recently re-married, and my husband has kiddos I help care for. When I was younger, I had a pretty wild phase in my life, and it ended with me getting involved with the wrong crowd. Long story short, I ended up getting into hard drugs at a young age and quit around the age of 21. Ever since I’ve got my life back together, I’ve just found it increasingly difficult to create any sort of meaningful friendships with people. There’s a part of me that remembers what it was like to be stolen from and being around people who just used me for drugs/money/or unfortunately sex. How do I even begin to find the right people to trust? I’m also scared to tell people about my past. Any advice?
2 comments
First off, congratulations on pulling yourself together to get to a place where you are back in track. That’s a HUGE accomplishment in itself.
Friendships are relationships and require time, which from the sound of it you don’t have much, so you’ll most likely be making friends with coworkers, other parents or other students.
I (42m) have found that the friendships I’ve made in my adult hood are all about relevance. Asking questions about people and showing you are interested and actively listening. Trust is built over time and just listen to your gut.
Also, your past is yours, and the darker parts of it don’t have to be shared with other people unless you feel comfortable sharing it. You don’t “have” to tell anyone about it unless you want to let them in a bit more. Again, this takes time. You don’t want to trauma dump on people you don’t know well, but you can share part of your past as you get to know a person over time.
I hope you recognize all you over came as a fantastic feat. That’s really something to be proud of.
Nowadays, a lot more people than you’d guess will have a phase more or less like that behind them.
I tell everyone to join an interest-based community or two. It gives you a broader social life and social circle, activities based around something you’re interested in, and a way to meet potential friends with whom you share something important.
It’s really nice to have friends, but with a husband and a broader social circle, a lot of your social needs will already be fulfilled. You can pursue close friendships with some of those people on purpose, or just wait and see if they happen on their own. Life is better with bosom-buddies but we don’t *need* them with the other boxes ticked.