Hey everyone, I (35M) have struggled with some form of social anxiety for as long as I can remember and wanted to see if any others have the same thoughts about it.
So I have struggled with socializing 1 on 1 for a long time which has been somewhat detrimental to my life. When I was younger, I would check other people were invited to an event when I was invited so that I made sure it wasn’t awkward and 1 on 1. This obviously ended up in me missing out on some fun experiences and still does. This went so far as me avoiding hanging 1 on 1 with my brother if my mother wasn’t around. I hang out with my brother 1 on 1 now but the thought is sometimes in the back of my head now.
I am fine when I am first meeting people and first dates as there is lots to cover still. Where I start to struggle is after you have known someone for a while. I see other people interact and they seem to just enjoy themselves and joke back and forth about nothing. I seem to have never had this flow as an adult and am wondering is there just something off with me. OR do other people have these same feeling and just no one shares it? I seem to be more serious than lots of people.
I thrive in a group because I can just add to the flow of the conversation instead of creating it. And if there is a small lull in conversation as a group it is less awkward for some reason.
Does anyone else struggle like this? Am I making too much of this? Do people 1 on 1 just not talk when hanging out sometimes?
Where this really holds me back is in dating and relationships. In the first 4-6 dates I can make conversation and be charming ect. Then as we get to know each other its like what else is there? Am I just supposed to endless banter for hours and days, is that possible?
Perhaps this is just a fear of silence? Sometimes I feel like I am always running with adrenaline when I am socializing, and it stops me from settling in.
As I get older I feel like women go on a mini vacation or trip with a friend that guys would only do in a group for an event? If they don’t have a boy friend they seem to just go on trips ect with a girlfriend. No men I know do this. Anyone else feel the same?
Things have gotten slightly better as I have forced myself to go hang out with people 1 on 1. Dating helped me with this as through Online dating I hung went 10’s of solo interactions with strangers.
Would love to hear from anyone who has gone through similar or even has gotten to the root of how to get past this. Specifically on dating and with long term/semi new partners. Is not having endless things to talk about a lack of chemistry or something else? Do you guys have long silences with partners on road trips ect? Howe much is normal?
2 comments
Something that seems to get lost when people have social anxiety is that… it’s anxiety. It can be managed.
Talk therapy and medication are often recommended. There’s also lifestyle changes. Good sleep hygiene, exercise, healthy diet. And improving your mental health hygiene. Mindfulness meditation is often found to help. You don’t have to suddenly become a 100% healthy living superhuman to get a huge improvement.
So really, managing the underlying condition of anxiety and general lower mental health can be a lot more effective than leaving it be and trying to work around it, year after year.
I think thats the difference between introvert and extrovert. An extroverts world is outside of them and the world is their playground. They need that constant interaction. An introverts world is inside and they can honestly get by pretty well on their own thoughts alone. These versions incline oneself towards certain habits. And I don’t know that there is anyway of changing.