Being together 2 years and a half. Over all everything went great except some issues this last six months.
I love my gf. I support her, lover her, make plans for her, be there for her… Overall I am good partner. But I dont feel my gf puts the same energy into the relationship as I do. And I felt if I stop taking care of the the relationship it will die.
My gf is hard to approach and very independent. We cannot live together because she is studying for an important exam(well I proposed her and she denied). I feel if we live together things might improve but that it does not seem to happen soon(year/s)
The thing is I feel my gf loves more the idea of what I am(her charm prince as she says) that what she actually loves me. She never prioritize me, she will make space for me in her time scheudle but wont change it for me(like going to the gym)…
Lately I have become more insecure because of a conversation we had six months ago about meeting other people while in a relationship where she said she thought okay(and then I overlook text from her gym coach…). That with her putting sexy pics as profile photos is making me feel insecure and I hate the feeling.
I feel stupid putting effort in the relationship when I do not feel loved nor desired. I know her exams put her on a lot of stress but I am tired of her not doing anything for me.
I had a conversation with her about how I feel not a priority and that it make me lose faith in the relationship. She told me she does not prioritize me and will not until she pass her exam. That she would understand if I wanted to break up…
Now I am regretting I told her I will wait, because I feel she will never change.
I feel like there are things we need to talk, but every difficult conversation we had ends up her offering to break up.
Should I wait to her to pass her exam? Will living together improve the relationship? Should I keep fighting or am I wasting my energy?
Tl;dr: I[30M] dont feel loved by my gf[30f]
3 comments
She’s checked out of the relationship bud. Breaking up before her exam won’t affect her at all. Just rip off the bandaid and find someone that will put effort into loving you.
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>Will living together improve the relationship?
No, I think it’s a really bad idea. In fact, I think moving in together could possibly exacerbate the problems in your relationship.
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>Now I am regretting I told her I will wait, because I feel she will never change.
Bingo. Right now, it seems she’s prioritizing this exam over the relationship, and that’s her reason for not meeting your needs. However, once the exam is over, there will be other responsibilities. She may pursue a demanding career, or maybe she will want to raise a child, or maybe take on some kind of hobby. Today, it’s the exam, but tomorrow it might be something else.
It sounds to me like you just aren’t compatible. It sounds like you want to be with someone who makes lots of time for your relationship, but it sounds like she isn’t capable of doing that because she has other priorities. There’s nothing wrong with your needs, and there’s nothing wrong with her priorities, but I don’t think those two personality types work well together.
It sounds to me like she’s happy with the relationship, but you’re not, and she can’t make the changes you’re asking of her to fix that. She’s not going to change her gym schedule, she’s not going to prioritize you over her exams, she’s not going to stop meeting other people. You know this, so you either need to accept these things about her, or take her up on her offer and just break it off.
She’s checked out of the relationship bud. Breaking up before her exam won’t affect her at all. Just rip off the bandaid and find someone that will put effort into loving you.