So for some background I’m a relatively attractive, 6’0 white dude. I’m very outgoing and talkative when in a group setting or with someone I’m very comfortable with, yet a bit awkward in a 1 on 1 setting with someone I don’t really like (which is most people in my life).
I find that in group settings (usually 3-5 people) at work or with friends, people tend to make eye contact with me WAY more than others in the group while they are talking. I find it impossible that other people don’t notice this yet I’m not sure because I’ve never brought it up to someone about it, as I think it would come off as egotistical if I did.
So… I ALWAYS feel bad for the other people who are involved in the group conversation because I was always taught that eye contact is a way to show respect and I feel that I’m always coming into situations and completely changing the dynamic by somehow making people respect each other less and focus more on me 🙁
Is this normal?
1 comment
Dude, I read your post a couple of times and still cannot figure out if the post is “I attract attention to myself because I am attractive and I am humble bragging” or “I genuinely care about the group and want everyone to feel equally respected” The reason why it’s confusing is your post could have done away with the first paragraph entirely.
Anyhow, I’m going to answer the second interpretation. I learnt this thing to work in multicultural settings and different types of people – asking for opinions of the quiet ones explicitly in team discussions. Shifting groups attention to those who haven’t yet spoken but want to/have insightful things to say yet cannot cause they are quiet/find it hard to speak. It typically goes “oh, this is the idea, xyz, what do you think? Does it work for you?”
In your case, is it possible that when people talk you respond the most, have lots of things to say, so people end up talking to you/maintain eye contact with you? Is it possible that you talk the most so people tend to look at you more ? How are you contributing to the dynamics outside of being a 6 feet, attractive white dude? Maybe some introspection is due here beyond your appearance to resolve the issue.