This has something that I’ve noticed increasingly over the last few years (m, 24).
I realise it may stem from my social anxiety and insecurity being outwardly projected but I feel its more than just that.
I notice that if someone approach’s a group I am part of they will often avoid conversation with me, addressing anyone else in the group and avoiding eye contact with me, as much as I try engagement them or be involved with conversation. I also feel as though people generally hold a negative opinion of me at first until we speak and often they comment on how surprised they are that we get along. This has made me very insecure over the past few years and I find myself now constantly trying to hold an approachable facial expression / body language, to no success.
Could it be people find me unattractive? (Not pity seeking just desperate to find a solution). I do have a poor self image and I reckon that may play into how I am perceived but I wanted to see if anyone else experiences this? Or may have any tips
2 comments
Edit: another note is I don’t genuinely think my friend group like me very much and often I become the bunt of the jokes, I think were still friends for the fact that we have been since school. This is upsetting because I don’t have any other friends
Oftentimes when people feel they don’t fit in, they attempt to fix that by correcting their mechanics. (What you said above about having an ‘approachable facial expression/body language’) You also said you had no success with it.
I’ll start by saying the expression on your face DOES matter, and so does your body language! So it isn’t wasted effort, but in the social realm you actually need more than that to make an impact.
The feelings you hold in your heart and brain, most ESPECIALLY about yourself, comes leaking out of your body language whether you like it or not. It comes out in subtle ways that are not easily controlled by ourselves. Along with that, people can simply SENSE that, even if they couldn’t tell you exactly why they have that impression. It’s like you’re going around with this cloud or this aura that gives off things like: lack of confidence, insecurity, social fear, excess desire to please others, uncertainty etc.
So even if you throw your shoulders back confidently and paste a smile on your face, the truth of how you’re feeling will be apparent in many micro ways. And again, those ways are usually ones that aren’t easy to control. The solution to that is to address the root cause, which is what’s going on in your mind and heart. And once you fix THAT, then everything else tends to fall into place more naturally, and you won’t need to worry much about your body language.