I am fully aware that the exciting phase of relationships usually goes away after the first year or so. That’s a part of life and something I accepted a long time ago.
I’ve been with my current partner for a year and a few months. I still feel so excited every day to speak with him, so affectionate, just generally happy to be around with him, still longing etc etc. He does not appear to be the same and it is killing me. It’s like the person I love doesn’t love me as much as I love him. I feel like I’m crazy. Am I that person?
He says he is just distracted because he’s moving, getting a new job and is tired. But my gut is telling me that isn’t the full truth. I’m sure that’s part of it. But he feels so distant and I’m so upset. I don’t even really know if I’m allowed to be upset because isn’t this relatively normal? I feel like I’m making a big deal out of something small that feels so big to me. He’s a little more… harsh and our personalities are so different so I’m worried talking to him about it too much will irritate him.
What does one even do in this situation? What have you done in this situation? I feel broken.
1 comment
Moving and a new job on their own are major stresses. And he’s juggling both at the same time. I think its more likely that his focus is concentrated on those two things, and less likely that his feelings for you have changed. Let things settle before jumping to any other conclusions. Take care of yourself (spend time with friends/family, meditate, do yoga, make an entry into a journal) and validate your feelings. Our feelings are never wrong for the current information we have. Now is not the right time, but once things start to settle down communicate ways that will be helpful to both of you during life’s challenges. Tell him what you need from him during stressful times, and ask him what he needs from you. This sets you both up for success, and avoids hurting each other, unnecessarily. Its so much easier to be supportive and not take things personal, when we know how people process their difficulties. Men, as boys are commonly taught to carry the weight of their own burdens, not ask for help and to suck up their emotions. You can’t shut down one emotion, without it effecting all of your emotions. If you pay attention, you may notice that he’s pretty hum drum about everything right now. Don’t start to worry about his affection for you until this has passed.