I am not sure what I (40) am doing wrong but my gf (31) has changed significantly in the past 3-4 months. I have been supportive of her battle with mental health and overcoming the trauma she has endured over the course of her life. I also am aware that it takes time to heal from these issues as I have fought similar battles as she. But it seems that no matter what I do or say I am always taking the brunt of her bad days, and not in the healthy “talk it out” manner. I mean she becomes moody and snaps at me for accidently doing something wrong or making a comment that she disagrees with. I get nothing but attitude and coldness most of the time we talk and honestly feel like I am walking on egg shells for what will set her off. I give her space when she asks and when I know she wants it. I do my best to help her get out with her girlfriends when she can, but it still does not change her attitude towards me.I am aware I am not perfect and have my own faults and I do work on them daily, but I can not get her to understand and see that she does these things, not to mention get an apology from her when she does something wrong. She has mentioned before, that she has had some horrible relationships, where people have treated her poorly or taken advantgae of her, and i have made it my duty to not be that way. Yet it seems that she is doing that to me. I also don’t understand why, I the year we have been together, she has never initiated any sort of intimacy in the bedroom. I have mentioned it to her before, a couple times, but still no change.
I do apologize for my long rant, but I don’t really have anyone else to bring this up with and need to ask, is there something I am doing wrong?
2 comments
She’s not ready to be in a relationship. You’re not a mental health specialist, you can’t help her. She needs to heal, to practice self care, to speak to a professional. Everyone is responsible for their own mental health.
But what are you doing? Why are you staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve you? It isn’t going to change, you can’t be with someone because of who they might become in the future. Maybe take some time and do some work on your self esteem? This can’t have been good for you mentally. Happiness doesn’t lie with this woman.
There’s a very fine line between “I have lingering trauma” and “because I’m an emotional wreck my feelings are the only ones that matter”. People trying to overcome bad pasts are usually only datable if they’re actively in therapy and working on it. Otherwise it’s just an endless “woe is me” often coupled with the emotional manipulation of making everything about themselves. If she doesn’t have a standing weekly appointment with a psychologist you can assume this is as good as it’s ever going to be. Good luck.