So my dad has always been on the more eccentric side. Doesn’t really have any close friends and is content with his engineering hobbies. He’s never been one to discuss emotions/feelings/anything personal and prefer to talk about hobbies/politics or will just randomly info-dump. I could see him being somewhere on the autism spectrum.
Lately he’s displayed some odd behaviors. He doesn’t participate in all conversations and will just look in another direction and mouth words to himself. He also does this weird thing when my mom says anything he dislikes. He will mutter the words “just stop it” under his breath while shaking his head. He does this a lot when she’s joking around – for instance when she tried to convince my sister-in-law to try some hot chips. I get the feeling he either doesn’t like her jokes or doesn’t realize she’s just kidding?
Due to where we all live, I see my parents way more than any of my siblings. I’m torn if I should bring this up with my siblings, or just ignore it for now. I feel bad for my mom – my dad does some of these behaviors in public and I could see it being rude and embarassing for her.
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**tl;dr**: Dad has always been a bit eccentric, but new behaviors are concerning, bring up with sibling or no?
5 comments
Sometimes ignoring people is the best option. If you really are concerned that there’s something going on, perhaps a loving conversation with him about how worried you are about him could open that discussion? If he’s unhappy with her or the relationship, there’s always therapy or divorce.
> He doesn’t participate in all conversations and will just look in another direction and mouth words to himself.
How strange. I’m having trouble picturing someone doing this IRL. Has your dad exhibited any other odd behaviors or big personality/temperment changes lately? Definitely not trying to jump to conclusions or armchair diagnose, but you might want to keep an eye out for any signs of cognitive changes since he’s getting into his 60’s.
What does your mom think about his behavior?
Might as well, if you guys have a good relationship. Siblings can help either validate that they also have been having some concerns and maybe you guys can get him checked out medically, or they can ease your anxiety if they’re not concerned.
My siblings and I talk to each other about our parents as they’re getting older and we’re all keeping an eye out for signs of mental decline, both normal and concerning.
My grandmother suffered from dementia. What you’re describing is similar to one of the first warning signs that we dismissed because we thought it was just an “old people thing”. Eventually it got worse.
Think about other “odd” things you may have noticed but dismissed in the moment: confusing words or people, forgetting what he was doing, getting unreasonably irritable, acting “not like himself”, getting lost in areas he knew well, having trouble using devices he used without issue, having trouble retaining or processing information, having no filter about when/where to discuss certain topics or use certain words etc.
Then talk to your family and make a plan: GP consultation first, then neurologist if it’s a concern. People with dementia often hide their degradation out of shame or not wanting to inconvenience others, but it’s the biggest mistake one can make in that situation. It may sound like paranoia, but the sooner you catch it, the easier it can be to manage and delay its effects, if it really is dementia.