Obviously I have reasons for thinking this. We’ve been married three years. I don’t know how to word it. I also don’t know if I should even bother. I don’t know his bestie well enough to know if he’d lie for him or not. Thoughts, comments, advice?

45 comments

  1. Lmao no, why would you want to be a cheater like your husband. Makes more sense to just divorce him.

    Edit: I need to learn to read lol

  2. If you ask his best friend you have to also take into account that he will know about this shortly after.

  4. I mean, you can ask but what’s the point? Is he really going to be honest with you if he hasn’t bothered to be honest with you already?

  5. No, If you think he has, than do better for yourself and get with a lawyer. If you are not sure and wish to move forward than i would recommend therapy both for you and couples.

    No need wasting time. life is too short both ways

  6. You can ask for the sake of reading his body reactions but I wouldn’t expect an honest answer out of him if he’s your husbands best friend. Also, before involving other people, have you tried fact checking any of your suspicions?

  7. Why would you ask his best friend? Even if you do and he says no you aren’t going to believe it anyway so it’s a waste of your time

  8. If his best friend knows he has cheated and hasn’t come to you and told you, then no he won’t tell you the truth if you ask him directly.

    If you have your suspicions either confront your husband or find the answer to you question another way.

    Good luck.

  10. If you’re at this stage in the relationship, it’s probably doomed anyway. Let’s say he says no, are you gonna believe him? Probably not.

    Let’s say he says yes? Your suspicions are confirmed. Are you going to leave him because your husband didn’t yell you or what?

    You’re in a lose-lose situation because you don’t trust your husband. What are your suspicions?

    By all means, ask him, but i wouldn’t exactly expect honesty.

  11. No, you shouldn’t. Your husband’s best friend is more loyal to your husband than he is to you. There’s no scenario in which this guy will tell you “Oh, yeah, I totally know your husband has been cheating on you and I’ve been cool with it, but now that you’ve asked me a direct question, let me tell you everything.”

    Your problem is with your husband, not his friend, so you must solve the problem with your husband. The only third party you should be pulling in is a couples counselor.

  12. I think you’d be better off talking to and asking a private investigator. That’d probably be a more productive conversation.

  13. Don’t ask. Tell him you know everything and that you’re filing for divorce and see how he reacts.

  15. No. He will lie, and he will tell your husband. Unless you’re ready to leave anyway cuz you’ll be seriously messing up your relationship by doing that.

  16. Get just a private investigator and a lawyer and work on your exit plan. You already know he is but just want the proof. If his friend is married and helping your husband, burn the trust in his relationship up too.

  17. I can’t give advice without knowing why you would think he’s cheating on you.

  18. I would stop being friends with the guy if I knew he was cheating on his wife.

    Unless the wife was a cheater herself.
    I reject and ghost anyone who cheats or condones/enables it.

    If someone finds it acceptable, then they most likely have a variety of sociopathic tendencies.

  19. Even if your hubby is cheating, it’s unlikely that he’s confided in his best friend, as best friends tend to be honest in their opinions, and would be likely to be disappointed in hubby’s infidelity, if not downright judgemental.

    If you’re convinced that hubby is cheating, then hire a PI to tail him, and before long you’ll know for sure, as the evidence will most likely include pics of him and the AP together.

    My advice is not to involve your hubby’s best friend in any way, and leave it to the professionals to handle.

    I wish you well.

  20. He probably wouldn’t tell you anyways as it would violate the bro code they have. But you can try.

  21. If you are wrong then this could destroy your marriage. Even if he is cheating his friend wouldn’t tell you. What will happen is now if he didn’t cheat his best friend will think you are a lunatic and now you have the person who he goes to for advice telling him he married a lunatic, or he will give your husband advice on covering his tracks. Either way this is a bad idea.

  23. is it a specific night or just in general?

    if it’s a specific event you could just ask him a bunch of smart questions to compare alibis. Like asking about timelines ect.

    Is it a paticular woman you have in mind?

  24. You could try but I doubt he’ll be honest with you in order to cover for your husband.

  25. This is a last resort and if you’re at this point you may as well walk away. I dont know what your husband’s best friend’s response will change.

  26. I think you’re better off keeping your husband’s friends out of your marriage troubles and addressing things with your husband directly.

  27. Trying to bring the friend in is triangulation and is an unhealthy communication tool. This isn’t a conversation for the best friend but something you need to have out with your husband

  28. If you don’t really know his best friend I doubt he will tell you anything. He has no relationship with you. How do you not know his best friend? Esp after over 3 years. … And what makes you suspicious of your husband?

  29. Read your responses in the chat, hire a private detective. Based on your responses he does seem like he having an affair.

  30. Don’t seek help from other men with marital issues thats a path to infidelity on your own end, trust men take advantage of that kind of vulnerability all the time. You should look at the behavior that makes you think he is cheating and establish boundaries or go to a PI or snoop the phone or something instead.

  31. Depends on the friends. I know if my friends caught me cheating they almost certainly would tell me I need to confess or they would tell my partner.

    Or if they totally have his back they would lie to you. So either way I don’t think asking the friend will work.

    Your best course of action is to look for signs. And know that innocent people tend to get super angry if they are falsely accused.

  34. No, ask his wife/gf/partner. He may lie to protect his friend, they have no stakes in this.

  35. Not sure why you think he is cheating but I will tell you that you do not need proof of his cheating. You can end this relationship without any conformation that he is cheating! There are no rules of evidence in a relationship and you get to decide for yourself if this is the relationship you want to continue!

  37. Just go with your gut. Essentially that is what will take you through life.

    I’m sorry but you’re here and at this point you’re in a world of mess and not crazy as he’ll try to claim.

    Speak as little as you can an let him entangle himself. He will.

  38. Your over thinking this. You’ve found nudes on his phone and there’s been other questionable behaviors. Stop trying to run down everything he’s doing and proving it. Your wasting time and energy. The real question is, do you want to try and save this marriage or do you want out?

    That’s what you have to decide.

    Want out, get a lawyer, lock down the finances and go from there.

    Want to save it. Sit him down and say we have to fix this or end it. If he agrees to fixing it then couples therapy and set up boundaries including open phone policy.

    You only have control over your behavior, not his. Stop trying to chase answers, make your own decision based on what you want then act.

  39. He’s not gonna say shit. I’d recommend looking up the adultery subreddit and learning the techniques of how cheaters hide shit.

  40. Don’t ask the friend. But maybe pack your things (not ALL your things but some things) and spend some time apart ? This will lead you to the truth – it won’t be pleasant cause there’s a handful of ways he’d react – but it will definitely bring everything to the surface. It also would probably be really good for you cause you don’t deserve to have this worry

  41. If you are exhausted other avenues and your husband already knows you think he’s cheating then go ahead but expect him to lie for your husband. If you think you have a cheating husband then just divorce and move on.

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