tl dr: title
Me (M23) and my partner (F23) started our relationship having a lot of sex. Due to a stressful time lately for us both, we haven’t had sex in a few weeks. In this time I’ve been kind of taking inventory about how we approach it.
My partner, when we’re not having sex, is not a super physically affectionate person. She’ll touch my ass a lot when i’m bending over to get something but we’re talking about poking with the occasional squeeze. I find it funny and sexy, and i will do the same thing to her when she bends over. except maybe sometimes i’ll go for a smack. the face she makes when she looks back at me does not make me feel like a guy who is being sexy with his gf, but more like a guy who popped a balloon in the middle of a library.
she’ll kiss me but most of the time if I try to initiate making out, she won’t take it seriously and will either blow on my nose, lick the bottom of my nose, you name it. but doesn’t come in for more. she asks me sometimes why we don’t only make out more and i want to tell her that i’ve tried a lot but she doesn’t seem into doing it for more than two seconds whenever i try to initiate it. maybe it’s just me but it kinda stops the vibe right in its tracks when i want to be more affectionate than goofy, preferably a mix of the two, but i think i’ve been generally goofy to the point where i’ve pigeonholed myself into being always perceived that way.
similarly, she likes when i scratch her ass (i scratched my own ass yesterday out of curiosity, it feels really good actually) but i guess if i scratch it too…we’ll say “enthusiastically” and she’s not in the mood, she’ll just straight up say “not tonight sorry” which is fine, but also sometimes i’m not trying to fuck, i just like having my hand on your ass! those are my emotional support cheeks!:(
However…when we DO have sex
Holy shit. She is like an entirely different person.The first time we did it, our backs did not heal for a long time.I loved on her neck and legs so hard her coworkers literally offered to get the cops involved the next day, and my dick needed a fucking ventilator. Tells me all of these things she wants me to do to her. And not just nasty stuff, but extremely wholesome stuff too. The sex is just as enjoyable now as when we first met. It’s like the affection is there but only when we’re engaging in PiV. I wish she could be more intimate without feeling like PiV is an expectation because i don’t feel like i’ve set the precedent that it is.
She has some past sexual trauma from an abusive relationship and i know the best thing for that is therapy, which she goes to, but i also want to learn how to create an environment that opens her up to feeling comfortable feeling sexy.
It seems like she wants to explore her sexuality more, until the opportunity arises. if shes not fully in the mood, even if it could go one way or another, she doesn’t play into it at all. and on the flip side, i am very keen on consent, like. very keen. She brought up consensual non-consent multiple times, saying she wants to try it.
I think it’s an incredibly hot suggestion but i also know her and she sleeps like a log. I think if i tried anything she either wouldn’t wake up on her own and i’d just feel horrible and stop or she would wake up and tell me in an extremely grumpy tone to go to sleep.
So, reddit i guess my question is what can i do to encourage her to be more intimate, that isn’t actually telling her. I feel like it would make her feel bad, because i think she wants to but either doesn’t feel comfortable or forgets. How can i make her feel safe, while also promoting exploration and spontaneity with each other.
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