My [23NB] bf [23M] and I have been together for almost 2 years. I love him very much and we are on the same page with relationship goals and usually are with communication as well. Disclaimer, I do have cheating-related trauma from my last long-term relationship, but I wholeheartedly trust my bf and know he would not cheat. It is mostly his friend [23F] that I do not trust. They met in college (when he and I met) and they were in the same large friend group for around 4 years. In 2020, before he and I started dating, she had a large crush on him and she asked him on a date that they went on. It didn’t work out and they just stayed friends after that and still text. He also visits her in NYC when he goes there to see his other college friends. I know he has no feelings for her and she has very likely moved on as well, but I just feel uncomfortable that they still talk to each other. Is this just a me issue or is this a valid thing to ask him to stop doing?
TLDR; Would it be an asshole move to ask my bf to stop texting a girl that he’s been friends with for 5 years just because she used to have a big crush on him and asked him out before we started dating?
3 comments
If they went on a date and it didn’t workout, I really don’t see the issue especially if he says he has no feelings for. They were friends before you started dating so I don’t see why they can’t continue that. He also doesn’t exclusively go to visit her, he just sees her when he’s seeing his other friends
That would be toxic of you, they’ve been friends before, only went on 1 date and remained friends afterwards, that’s a huge over reaction.
Yes, it would be controlling and would undermine whatever trust you claim to have.
The solution to your insecurity is not to police other people’s behavior. It is certainly not to isolate your partner from his friends.