I want to leave my spouse, what do I do?

I, female 32 years old, have been married to my husband, 34years old, for 7years, together total 17years.

Background:
I’ve been unhappy for awhile now and have just given up on the relationship altogether. I feel a lot of emotional neglect and that my opinions are not valued.

We lived with his family for the first three years of our marriage even though I pleaded all 3years to leave. His father is mentally and verbally abusive, and physically abusive to his wife. My mother in law is like most mother in laws, annoying b/c they dnt think anyone is good enough for their sons and she has told lies in the past abt me that turned into family fights. Both my mother in law and father in law are functioning drug addicts. My sister in law is a drug dealer and would bring random men home and sometimes sold fr the house. She’s also a narcissist that pick fights about anything and everything. My husband refused to move out even though we had to leave the house every day to get away from it all. It got so bad I eventually left him while pregnant and he finally decided to leave too. We were finally happy for a few months. Then his mother pleaded with us to go back since she couldn’t afford the rent and she promised everything would be better now. I pleaded with my husband not to but against my better judgement we ended up going back (I just had my baby and wasn’t working anymore so I couldn’t afford the rent on my own to stay.) it was fine for a few months but then everything started up again and it was hell. We ended up staying with them for another 3years and enduring everything. My husband refused to move out say it was too expensive and we couldn’t afford it (but we could) I stopped working due to health issues and was not able to move out on my own. By year 3 he’d also had enough and we started to look for a place to live. This was during covid and my husband would skip out on work every chance he got. I asked him not to b/c he could eventually lose his job but he didn’t care, I didn’t have to work so why should he. We finally found a house and started the process to buy. The night before we were going to officiate everything, he got fired. Now we were broke, jobless, and stuck. They eventuallykicked us out after his sister and I got into an arguement. They had already asked us to leave mulptile times before than. We moved in with his brother and things were okay at first but was a slow decline. Their toddler and ours fought over toys a lot but they never stepped in to stop them. My MIL started coming over a lot to play with my son and pick him up, she was playing favorites, and my brother in law didnt like that. (My husband’s mom is his step mom. My husband and his brother are helf siblings) he started messing with my kid every day and making him cry daily for fun. He started making comments about how he is the only child grandma loves and was passive aggressive abt my MIL picking up his kids just so that my kid would go with her. He was rude and made racist “jokes” to make me uncomfortable. If we ever invited him anywhere he complain abt leaving an hr in. We finally left and found a new place and just settled. We’ve decided to limit contact with his brother.

I have a lot of resentment towards my husband and am not in love with him anymore. I feel as if my opinions are not valid. He once said that he is the person who make our life decisions and so I shouldn’t complain about them b/c nothing will change. He talks over me while I’m talking, he changes the subject while I am still talking, we don’t have deep conversations anymore, there is NO foreplay before sex, a lot of times I have to finish myself, I can’t stand him trying to make love to me (even tho it doesn’t happen very often.) I can’t look him in the face and we both just close our eyes when I’m on my back, so I just always bend over to avoid it all. We never cuddle anymore. I cook, clean, raise our son with 120% of my being. My husband just recently started an overnight shift and refuses to switch his schedule. We’s here but never present and is always tired. I work odd jobs to bring in money but my husband says I’m not contributing.

Recently I met a man that I’m infatuated with who will not continue to talk to me since I am married. We are just friends but it made me realize how detached I was fr my emotions and how I was just faking my perfect life. When we talked it was more like a therapy session in which he asked me why I kept saying my husband was great but I didn’t want to be with him. We dug deep and I eventually told him how I’ve been shouldering everything. And now that I’ve admitted to my feelings, it seems I have to deal with them. I was so numb and didn’t feel anything before but when I started talking about it, all the anger, resentment, and sadness came rushing out. I reaslized I had been so detached that I didn’t feel anything. I realized I wasn’t in love with my husband anymore. All I want is to get out.

I recently talked with my husband about leaving and the way I felt. His response was not what I expected. He was numb, he said it had been shitty for him too and that he was so numb that me telling him didn’t make him feel any kind of way. There were no tears, anger, or sadness. We did agree to try for a few more months, we owe it to our son to try our best to regain love and effection for eachother to make our marriage work.

But if I’m honest with myself, I’m just done. I just want it to be over. But I’m a coward and don’t know how to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions?