Hey fellow ents, have had a bit of a complicated social life up to this point in my life. I am now 21M and in my senior year of college. This is gonna be a bit long, but I don’t really have anyone i’m comfortable to talk to about this ATM.
In elementary/middle school my teachers would always call me a “social butterfly” on my report cards, and I had no trouble making friends – but I was placed in an academically talented program, which resulted in me being with the same exact group of 20 kids through grades 1-5. I would never really see other people outside my class. I mention this because I don’t think it was a great baseline for building social skills. Middle school felt like a breakthrough, at the time. However looking back on it I see myself as a popularity and confirmation seeking monster. I had a solid group of close friends that i still have to this day, but I seeked popularity to get closer to the girls that I thought were attractive. By the time I got to high school, this completely took over. School became negligible to me, I began selling weed (as a 5’5″ white kid lol) not only because I loved the idea of quick money, but also the elevated social status it gave me in high school. This resulted in being welcomed into the popular group when they realized befriending me would get them discounted weed. Back then, it felt like I was on top of the world.
It was around this time I also “*fell in love*”. In retrospect I realize that I had some major attachment issues with nearly every girl I have dated. However I had let my most recent girlfriend, who I started dating junior year of high school, completely take over my perception of life. As soon as she brought up the idea of marriage, I completely neglected all other aspects of my life, particularly being social. I didn’t join a fraternity because the idea of being tempted by other girls disgusted me. Now I am single and desperate for the social life I previously neglected. All my closest friends are in one fraternity and i see them have a blast nearly every weekend, and always have the thought that I cannot believe I let a woman change the path of my life this much. I have now been single well over a year, yet I still get incredibly nervous around new people, especially girls that I find attractive. It is almost as if I feel they are superior to me in some way, as if they hold power over me.
The reason I wrote all of this is because I keep catching this attractive girl in my class glance at me, and finally had an opportunity to at least introduce myself, but when responding to her “thank you :)” while holding the door open for her, I awkwardly/nervously muttered “NeR pRbLm”, quickly averted eye contact and just continued walking. I feel a great sense of shame and regret now, and only have 2 more weeks of class with her left to boost my confidence enough to introduce myself.
**Does anyone have tips to help “bring down the stakes” in my head when talking with attractive women? Or ways you boost your confidence right before a conversation you’re nervous about?**