I’ve been talking to a guy about being fwb. We’ve had sex once and I was nervous and he said it wasn’t great.
That was a month ago now we’re talking about a second time even though we had decided to just be friends.
He is very vocal about what he wants. It was like a fucking job interview. I’m all for honesty but there was not one word about what I might like.
I am very attracted to this man but is this customary to have a list of things from the mans point of view? I know I could have been more assertive. But still. Is this a narcissist?
Should I stay away or try it with him?
13 comments
If you’re questioning if this is a good idea, it’s not a good idea.
Sex should be fun! I’m sure you’ll find a better suited partne for your need to 🙂
I’m all for full disclosure of wants and limits. I would provide him your list and then see if you are compatible.
You say he said it wasn’t great, but you fail to say how it was for you?
If it wasn’t good for you, why would you want to go back without saying what it was missing for you?
If it was good for you, then he could have perceived you as being satisfied while he is trying to make it as enjoyable for him.
Physical attraction does not equal sexual compatibility, and in my opinion a FWB should definitely be sexually compatible.
If ya have to ask, then leave.
If he’s giving you list of what HE wants but isn’t in the slightest interested in what YOU want, that’s a no-go. Dump his ass. Sex should be mutually enjoyable, you are not his real-life Fleshlight replacement.
You deserve better, sister.
Sounds pretty narcissistic to me. I’ve always lead with asking a partner what they like, what they don’t like, and what they’d like to try – I like to make doable fantasies come true, that they were afraid to ask for because of being judged. Usually, after that, they’ll all what I like. That’s a positive interaction, not talking about myself first and only.
He would definitely be a yellow flag, if not a red one, to me. Listen to him closely, Howe her talks about things other than sex. Does he seem to always direct the conversation towards himself? If so, is back away from that possible relationship ASAP
Lol I would just respond with “you seem very focused on getting everything you want out of this, and don’t particularly seem interested in what I might enjoy or want. I don’t think we’re a good match to continue as fwb because this seems like you may have a one-sided-transactional mentality towards partnered sex, and I find that concerning and probably not something I want to pursue.”
He seems pretty focused on himself. Has he ever asked what YOU want?
With the way he is behaving, I would say you need to avoid going through with this. He criticized you up front and now is really being demanding? Nope. That will wear you down in ways you never dreamed of. You are better off waiting for someone else that will truly appreciate you and the energy you put into the experience than what your proposed fwb is offering.
My deep down impression is we aren’t compatible BUTim not real experienced so (one man 37 years) it could develop
Yeah he is a narcissist or he’s compensating for the lack of power he feels in his everyday life. Weak man shit.
Question: did you try telling him what you wanted and he blew you off or did you not tell him at all? Because if he he blew you off that would be a red flag. But if you just didn’t tell him then you need. Don’t worry about being selfish. This is a FWB situation not a romantic relationship.
That being said I def think that telling you the first encounter wasn’t great was kind of a red flag.
No such thing as fwb