My BF and I are both 19, and have been together since sophomore year of HS. While no relationship is perfect, ours is pretty close and I could be happier. We are perfect for each other in so many ways as we balance each other out. I’m more social, outgoing, and extroverted while he’s more shy, introspective, and book smarts.
The last 2 years have been a little rough as we are long distance due to us going to different schools, but we have made the best of it. We are only about an hour away from each other so we try to visit each other at least 2x a month. When we first stated school, we had a little rough patch with his jealousy around me going out a lot and joining a sorority. But I always reassured him that he has nothing to worry about and I only want him. Since then, we have had zero issues or disagreements about it and he seemed to be secure or so I thought.
Right before finals, I was visiting him and we were about to have sex and he started asking me about other guys and if I have ever been attracted to anyone at school or flirted with them. I was quick to say no because I really haven’t and I thought he was trying to trick me. Over the last month, he has brought up other guys anytime we are being intimate. It was weird to hear him ask this given his history with jealousy. He’s asked me if I ever wondered about having sex with other guys, if I feel like I’ve missed out on the typical college experience, and stuff like that (I don’t want to go into too much detail because it’s R rated). But I’m quick to say not at all and that I love him and only want him.
Then 3 weeks ago, after we had sex, we were laying in bed and he asked me if I would ever find it hot to get a sex you and roleplay that the toy is another guy. I was really weirded out and I was like absolutely not. I just thought he was trying to trick me or something. After this incident, I mentioned it to one of my best friends and she said that maybe he’s trying to tell me he’s a cu*kold. I don’t judge at all and I totally accept that some people have different desires. But I guess I just never imagined my boyfriend might be a cu*kold. I am totally lost and unsure what to do or how to bring it up. Especially given how he has had difficulty with jealousy in the past, but now it’s like all he ever talks about when we are being intimate. Does anyone have similar experiences navigating this or any advice?
TL;DR: BF has history of being jealous, but has started asking me about other guys when we are intimate. I think it’s weird but my friends think he’s hinting at being a cu*kold. So confused.
5 comments
It could be cuckold fantasy, but it could also be hotwifing which is more about exhibitionism and voyeurism than the humiliation and emotional masochism of cuckolding.
You could try asking him what he thinks would be hot about it, would he enjoy feeling emasculated and humiliated (cuckold) or would he enjoy the ego trip of sharing a sexy woman that other men want to fuck (hotwife.) The emotions behind his fantasy will give you more insight into this part of his sexuality.
Congratulations! You’ve discovered that sexuality is fucking complicated and that as people grow up, sometimes they start to have desires that are different than you expected. It’s probably likely that he thought about it a lot out of fear then discovered he was okay with it. Stuff like that happens.
However: do not embrace this stuff if you don’t actually want to. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is lie and tell someone you’re okay with things you are not. So if you don’t wanna participate in something like that, be clear about it. And perhaps it will end your relationship – you’re only 19 so the chances you actually stay with this person are slim.
However – if you want to he open to the idea – you gotta tread carefully to figure out exactly what it is he wants. And if you open this door, you should know there’s probably more behind it…sounds like your boyfriend is a very sexual guy. Are you? Do you want that?
This is just part of life, though. You’re going to meet all kinds of people with all different fetishes. How you handle that is your choice.
You need to ask him, “where is this coming from?” Don’t stop pressing until you are satisfied. Is this a cuckold fantasy or some hot wife porn pushing its way in? There is a “why” and you should seek it out so you can alleviate the stress this is causing you.
You are on an interesting journey. One thing for certain you are going to learn about your bf and about yourself.
Listen intently.
Ask Lots of questions.
Test your assumptions, but don’t stray from your comfort zone.
Follow your gut.
If you feel like he’s trying to trick you, that’s a bit of a red flag.