my bf(19m) told me when he was around 5, he was sexually abused for 6 years by an older woman. he has never told anyone this before. i urged him to go talk to a therapist but he insists that nothing is wrong with him and that he wants to forget about the whole thing. i really love him and i want to support him. how do i go about from here? i know he should definitely talk to a therapist but if i force him, he might feel like im not supportive. how do i make him feel loved and what can i do to support him?
7 comments
You can’t force him to discuss it with a therapist, if he wants to do that it has to be when he feels ready.
Listen when he/if he wants to talk, let him know that what happened was wrong and not his fault and that you’re sorry he went through that.
That’s it.
Edit: Also it can take a lot for male victims of sexual violence and abuse to share their story, he clearly trusts you a lot to tell you.
If he doesn’t have any problems related to the trauma he might not need a therapist. He just needs you to trat him as you did before. If he does start having trauma related tissues talk to him again about it
imo, id go to him and offer a way for him to relive the experience but to be in control of the outcome in maaaybe a role play fashion
Be patient if he has problems in bed it’s not you. Do not ever tell anyone other than your personal therapist. This knowledge is a heavy burden and can be stressful.
You’ve suggested therapy. The most supportive thing you can do is to thank him for sharing and love him well. Therapy with a very well trained therapist can be a godsend but it is not always the way, and would bring short term pain.
Could yo explain why do you “urged him to go talk to a therapist”?
I.e. which behavior he has that led you to conclude that he needs to talk to a therapist?
My husband told me about his sexual abuse at the start of our relationship, he’s slowly opened up more over time about it. Just let him know you’re there when he wants to talk about it at whatever pace he is ready. Be patient and try not to push him. I know it’s hard because you just want to make it all better but he needs to be ready.