My close friend tells me to go to her with my problems and we will talk things through. I have realized that she will say things to me about her problems and I will just tell her that I can relate and tell her why. I just feel like I have no empathy. I can’t tell if i don’t or something else is happening. I just wish i could just help her talk about things the way she does with me. I just feel bad when I notice I do these things. I have apologized to her about it and she just said I have nothing to apologize for. But I can’t help feeling that I am making it seem like I don’t care about her problems
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This isn’t that abnormal, I promise, and low empathy is a pretty common side effect of a myriad of things. I have ADHD and I respond to things very similarly as a result (including instinctively relating the situation to something I’ve been through, I’m careful to always end it by talking about their feelings to try to communicate that I’m not making it about me, just explaining that I understand and it sucks) and while it can be uncomfortable, having low or no empathy doesn’t make you bad or mean you don’t care, it just means you don’t *personally* feel other peoples’ pain, but that isn’t necessary to have sympathy and be a good friend.
In my opinion, the relating is a way to sort of…synthesise empathy, because you’re basically creating a similar effect of understanding their pain when it’s not something that comes naturally. You’re putting work in to understand, and that is a good thing.
It sounds like you’re doing well with it and your friend understands and is being supportive, so honestly I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The best thing I’ve learned to do is to be open with people about it, and ask what I can do to help when I know they need it but I’m not sure what to do. It shows them you care and gives them the opportunity to ask for what they need.
Would you say who have empathy towards yourself?
I’ve found that in areas where I’m really hard on myself I often have a hard time feeling sorry for them. When i allow myself to feel some empathy for myself it sort of comes naturally… Maybe that’s worth asking yourself? 🙂