I (32m) was planning on proposing to my girlfriend (26f) towards the end of next week. It was perfect and we even had an expensive vacation planned to a very romantic destination. Unfortunately, I recently received shocking and unexpected news that one of my young family members passed away.
After getting started with processing my grief I did begin thinking about my proposal plans and whether they might be impacted. After discussing with my family, we decided that I should proceed with the proposal because (besides the fact that I want to marry this woman), it may be a symbol of hope for our family’s future (their words, not mine).
However, I’m discovering that because of the timing, my family member’s funeral may even be scheduled for the same week as the planned proposal. I have concerns about this because I don’t want to offend anyone in my extended family or make them uncomfortable by proposing so soon after my cousins death, and I may also feel a bit weird about combining a funeral and proposal in the same trip.
I’m also concerned though because planning this proposal trip was very expensive, very time consuming and just absolutely perfect – a dream proposal spot. It’s not a place I will be able to go to again in the near future and get the same effect. Just the plane tickets were a couple grand and I really am running out of energy and resources to plan a second decent proposal (particularly the money. She’s well worth every Penny I have but I really don’t want to spend another $1k on another romantic, well thought out plan).
On top of all of this, my girlfriend has really expressed (for months now) how she wants to be engaged by the year end. She’s been very supportive and understanding with everything, but she did even mention that with all this adversity, she still believes and is expecting a proposal by year end (please don’t comment on how this reflects on her character. I’m sure she was half joking and would certainly understand if I told her I had to wait).
Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR: my family member passed last week. I was supposed to propose two weeks later. Now his funeral may be as close to 2 or 3 days before the planned engagement proposal.
6 comments
I’d just do it. You can always tone down how much you broadcast it right away if you feel that’s sensitive.
I don’t think I have any helpful advice. Life (and death) happens. If your relative would have been happy for you and uncomfortable with the thought of postponing the proposal on their account, I’d go for it.
The only thing I’d add is a reminder that the funeral and proposal are separate things, so keep them that way; let the grieving happen. Give everyone time and space to process what happened with your relative before spreading the news. I’m guessing the closer family members you’ve already discussed this with have the discretion required to do the same.
Celebration may come as a relief after a few weeks of grieving, but let it happen in that order.
>she did even mention that with all this adversity, she still believes and is expecting a proposal by year end (please don’t comment on how this reflects on her character. I’m sure she was half joking and would certainly understand if I told her I had to wait).
hmmm
I dont see what a proposal and funeral have to do with each other…..
Go ahead and propose. You still going on that trip or was that canceled?
Go ahead and propose. Perhaps hold off on any big announcements about it for a week or two to put a little space between the sad thing and the happy thing, but even that is so dependent on how your family grieves. Maybe they would like a nice thing to be happy about right now. I think maybe play that part by ear.
You can propose without broadcasting it to everyone. My friend recently got engaged. She didn’t post it on social media. It does not make her any less engaged. If you propose the week of the funeral, you may want to wait before telling those family members about your engagement. You can always send an update in the new year announcing your engagement.