I have never done this before (28f). But I really want to. I have met someone on tinder and we have been exchanging sexts and are about to meet up tonight. We discussed using condoms and what we like. We have exchanged some pictures as well. We are meeting up in a bar beforehand. Just to be safe. I live close to the bar for after.

I am however extremely nervous and on the brink of cancelling. I have had sex before, but am not the most confident about my skills or body. I do like to try my hardest, but I also want to enjoy myself and relax.

Because I struggle with anxiety (am medicated) I am very anxious right now. As in my body is in panic mode. However, I do want to do this and I think I am doing it in a safe and good way. But I am still very nervous.

I would like to hear some stories to calm me down or some tips of things I might have forgot to think of?

I wish I could be completely spontaneous, but that is the struggle with an anxiety disorder. Sometimes I just need to push through (no pun intended).

Edit: thank you all for your advice and support. I am happy to say that I did go through with it and I had a very good time! The guy was incredibly sweet and also very good in bed, I think he was really the best person I could have done this with. He made me feel so comfortable and in between we would just laugh a lot and talk about randomn things. I don’t think it could have gone any better.

9 comments

  1. Just go to the bar have a drink or two and if you don’t feel comfortable go home, make sure you are in the public setting when you meet him

  2. I always find it helpful to remember that the other person is *also* usually incredibly nervous and is usually so excited that they’re going to have sex that they couldn’t give two shits about your skills or body, they’re just glad you showed up.

    On the practical side:

    * Did you discuss STD testing? If you didn’t, I’d steer clear of oral without protection (a condom or a dental dam).
    * What about discussing other boundaries? Does he know what sex acts are off limits for you?
    * Do you have someone you need to check in with on a regular basis to make sure you’re OK?
    * What about an exit plan if it turns out you’re not into them?

  3. > … but am not the most confident about my skills or body.

    Reddit really won’t be able to help you with this. Just remind yourself that you already “passed”: You guys have talked and exchanged pics. He’s obviously pretty excited about your body.

    While you’re still at the bar, express that you’re feeling a bit flustered and want to hang out until you’ve relaxed. It’s perfectly natural to be nervous when meeting someone new. Especially when you *know* where the relationship is headed. Anxiety just turns that to 11.

    If your therapist has showed you any mindfulness exercises, now’s the time. You know this is something you want. You’ve worked to get it! Now you’re gonna’ drag your id to the same conclusion.

  5. Don’t force anything. Make sure you know you can back out whenever for whatever reason. If you feel safe and see no red flags, that still doesn’t mean you have to do anything at all.

  6. Hey girl, I’m the exact same way and regularly have casual sex like this! I also have anxiety, and tbh it still doesn’t really go away before the meet 😅 I will say that it gets easier, and so long as the chemistry/conversation is good and easy, it melts away almost immediately. Also, a couple of drinks will help soothe your nerves since you’re going to the bar.

    I always remind myself that since it’s casual, there’s no pressure because we both want the same thing in the end. It’s okay to be awkward at first and like everyone else has said, they’re definitely going to be a little nervous at first too! It’s so normal. Have fun!

  7. Have a couple of drinks at the bar and just see if you vibe in person, you don’t always have to have sex the first night you all hangout in person. Don’t feel forced too, he will understand!!

  8. I’d go and see how you feel once there. Hopefully talking to him and maybe having a drink or two will ease your nerves and make you more comfy. If not, just tell him you’re too anxious and go home, no harm no foul.

    Don’t let your anxiety stop you from living your life and doing what you want! Easier said than done, but fight it as best you can. You got this.

  9. Was going to tell you go for it, have fun, but only if he was nice.

    He obviously was nice (saw your edit) and I’m delighted for you.

    Not all of us men are bad, as the media like to suggest.

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