How do you deal with a negative, whining partner who complains about everything?

11 comments

1. I simply would never date someone like that

2. I could not.

   Takes a lot of effort and evolution to get to a point where one tries to have a better outlook in life. If my partner were to whine and complain all the time, I would

   a) ask them to do it internally or around anyone but me.

   b) more realistically I would help them process it but if they chose to not let me help or just didn’t want to work through it, BYE.

   c) would not be with someone who’s constantly whining and complaining all the time.

   Need my peace. And hope others can find theirs.

3. Give ’em a few weeks of corrective training – sometimes people don’t realize that’s how they come across – and if they either aren’t willing or aren’t able to have the conversation and improve, DTMFA. That attitude sucks people down into it like a bog. Run.

4. You don’t.

   this is for them to deal with and if they refuse to get help, then you have to decide if you want to stay and accept (and listen to it) or leave.

5. I wouldn’t be attracted to someone like that, so I wouldn’t date them.

6. Keep in mind that you discovered this as your relationship progressed. In the beginning, it was all sweet talk, flowers, and butterflies. Of course, no one would be attracted to such a person from the get-go

7. Explain how their behaviour comes across and the negative impact it’s having and ask if they’re willing to work on it, if they are willing and you love them then try to support them. If they aren’t willing to change then move on, negative people can really suck people into the void with them but they often don’t mean it or aren’t even aware of it!

8. This happened to me. We lived separately and i noticed he would criticise or complain but I would let them go, but when we moved in together, to a new city, it massively escalated basically from day 1. It affected my self esteem and I felt really trapped. It got really bad, I felt terrible about myself. We split up after I saw he had dating apps on his phone. Twice.

   A couple of months after we split I came across some diaries he must have not realised he’d left in my flat. They were full of lists of what he perceived to be my negative qualities, including my laugh, my dress sense, and my walk – all of which I consider to be great things about me. The guy was just a straight up loser with terrible self esteem and he was taking it out on me. Just saying that the complaints you hear may only be the tip of the iceberg.

   Have a conversation, give him time to reflect and change, and if it doesn’t, walk away. I’m now in a relationship with someone joyful and kind who takes care of his mental health. It’s 1000 times better.

9. As someone who grew up and was effectively tortured by this behavior from a parent, this would be a deal breaker for me. FWIW I have also cut out friends who were constant complainers. Occasional complaining is fine, we all do that; it’s cathartic. But “constant” is a hard no.

10. I wouldn’t

11. Once the honeymoon phase is over, that’s when you really get to know someone. I’ve been in this situation and it doesn’t get better. Don’t date someone’s potential, date who they are if they are a negative nancy, always complaining and ranting about something : walk your ass out the door. Life is hard, you don’t need someone to make it harder.