I was at a house party where almost everyone was in a relationship except for me and my female friend who had invited me to the party. We had a good time and she asked me to dance with her so we danced and had a great time. When people start to leave she tells me we can take the same bus home so we ride the bus which stops close to where I live and she says “I’m just inviting myself to your place” so we put on a movie and lay down on my sofa and eventually fall asleep. The day after she is acting really weird and don’t open my snaps and don’t even talk to me at all.
On previous occasions she has kissed me on the cheek multiple times and also put her hand on my knee / leg. But she has also stated that we are just friends so that’s what confusing me. What do you think?
13 comments
LOL, a girl invited herself over to your place and you were laying on the couch. Most likely, she wanted to bone. At minimum, she wanted a make out session and foreplay.
So yeah, you screwed up.
The truth is that you have no way of knowing because different women signal their desire for a romantic engagement in different ways. Generally, speaking there is a cultural norm that men should initiate a romantic encounter and many people are still trapped inside that toxic gender expectation.
Your path forward is to remove uncertainty in a safe way for both people that provides you clear guidance on consent and leaves a clean exit path for your potential partner.
“I’m getting a vibe here. Would it be okay if I kissed you and we can see where this goes? I don’t want to do anything you’re not 100% okay with and I don’t want to make it weird.”
That sets up a safe ‘no’ response and invites the ‘yes’.
That was a pretty obvious move on her part IMO.
Yes
Yes.
She made the first move and you didn’t make the second.
Maybe try shooting your shot and telling her,
“Come over tonight. I’m making you dinner and we may or may not watch a movie after.”
Yes… but honestly i feel like if she was brave enough to ask you to dance with her, ride the bus together and inviting herself to your place, she should have just asked you out
A lot says yeah but to be fair if she’s the one who mentioned specifically that you are just friends (assuming that wasn’t like months or years ago) then she needs to be the one to open up that boundary to something more.
That said, if you want that something more then you should ask her about it. (without making her feel pressured of course (SinnamonandCoffee’s suggestion was pretty good)
It’s unfortunate that we have to speak in signals and play games to make each other aware that we are into the person to the level that now we confuse each other more. Please don’t assume and just ask her in a respectful way if there’s any special feelings or vibe to avoid any future misunderstandings.
Did you initiate any physical intimacy on the sofa? You could have at least cuddled or kissed
I’m probably saying dumb shit because I never dated and have zero experience with women but I would have made moves when I got the invitation to a dance and use that to set the mood so when we go to my place it’s straight to make out session.
It sounds like she wanted you to and that she was willing to go 90% of the way there for you. But I understand why you didn’t. If your relationship with her has been platonic so far and she has gone out of her way to tell you that you’re just friends, then it’s completely reasonable for you to believe her and to ignore what would otherwise be romantic signals. The way you have handled it is exactly how women say they want their platonic male friends to behave. There is no reason to feel guilty about that.
You need to flat out ask her about it because she clearly doesn’t want to come out and ask you. Maybe you misinterpreted what she was doing somehow, but either way it’s better to know where both of you stand. Do you want to be more than friends with her? Because whether you do or not will inform what you do next.
DUH. Yes. And i say this with love; ur an idiot. LOL. Haha poor girl did 99% of the effort to put herself out there and you couldn’t meet her that last 1% by just like tentatively putting ur arm around her on the couch or whatever? Haha.
Yep, you blew it. Sorry mate