I’m working through some stuff and just want to be alone for the time being, but when they make advances and I say “im not looking for anything like that right now” they become hostile or ask if I’m gay or something.
Also I went drinking with some people from work the other day and someone kept sitting close to me and touching my leg and when I would move a bit so we weren’t touching and they would move closer again which just made me uncomfortable.
I’m not good in social situations and like people not to come into my personal space but I don’t know if I’m missing something or giving off the wrong signals. Is this a normal occurrence? I don’t really want to go out anymore because this keeps happening.
What else can I say to let them know without coming off as rude?
18 comments
Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do some people don’t take rejection lightly. I used to get called “Gay” all the time when I went out with friends by aggressive females flirting with me because I didn’t accept there advances.
You could just say you have a partner or something but I just went along with being gay. If you feed into it the situation doesn’t get any better from experience…
Maybe they understand you wrong cause you’re quiet friendly and they know you’re single. It’s not your problem when they get pissed after you tell them your needs. I think it’s fair to say the truth, so you did nothing wrong.
I feel you with that personal space thing. Maybe put something between you and her like a bag or something, after you went to the toilette for example. That’s a polite way of showing her indirectly that you don’t want to have physical contact and she’s not getting embarassed because you’re not telling it directly to her. If you don’t want to take the ‘risk’ to get hit on you unfortunately can’t go out anymore, but I think there are ways to show that you’re not interested in flirting etc.
Go with gay
Women are more sexual than men despite society telling us otherwise. The music they listen to, the TV show they watch, makeup, fashion, ect.
Because almost everything they do has a sexual undertone, when you aren’t engaging in that they can’t understand for some reason.
I had the same issue. You need to find a “work woman bestfriend”. She will say to others women that you just want to be alone, and you are nice because you are nice, not because you need a BJ.
Give some tips to the incels out there. They might be able to give you some back lol.
This dude can’t even leave the house without being sexually harassed by woman this is 100 percent all cap
Get over it! here my serenade. by the EAGLES Get over it!!! listen to it!
go hide under a rock and stay in it!!! let your life pass! and then lament and bitch of I could have I would have… today is the most young you will ever be! this is the most you have ever been living too! and don’t take it too personal or serious for you “aint” getting out of this life alive! so go suck a dick or get it up the ass but do it buddy!!! to hell if you are or not gay! experiment! working through this stuff??? you can’t trust your own mind why not work your “stuff” with friends and work out your insecurities as they rise! and get it over with it quick so you can “get” “worked out” or ready or however you worded your lame excuse!
To a woman that reads as “I am indeed interested in a relationship, but just not with you”. If you are genuinely not interested in a relationship, you might want to find a way to clarify that for them, otherwise they’re just going to assume that you’re using a typical cop-out phrase to avoid giving a real reason why you don’t like them.
Honestly OP so many guys would kill to get at least some attention from women and you’re complaining about it. You are pretty privileged.
This sucks, because you are clearly stating your boundaries, and these women are stomping over them and verbally harassing you….people would lose their damn minds if you were a woman and men did that.
Based on what you’ve included in your post, you’re doing it right by plainly and directly saying you’re not interested in a relationship. If people can’t accept that, it’s their problem, not a burden you have to take upon yourself by changing your behavior. I guess after pushback from people, you could say you find their attitude incredibly disrespectful, but that could lead to more problems if they get offended by you calling them out (even tho they probably need it)….I hate to think you’d have to stop going out and enjoying yourself with your friends. Unfortunately, a lot of people assume that you’re ready for a relationship when you go to a bar or club….
I guess my advice? Just state you’re unavailable. It’s the truth, and while they might take it to mean you’re already with someone, you mean it as you aren’t looking/ready/etc, and you DON’T have to elaborate further.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope your self-care/self-healing journey continues to be a fulfilling experience ✌️
I been here before OP. Alot of girls ignored me until they get drunk. Once they are drunk, they aggressive hug me and won’t let me go. I usually let it happen because I don’t know what else to do but I do feel wierd about it.
I remember one time a girl grab my arm and started to rub while she talked to me. I asked can you please stop and she went insane. She pushed and snatch my phone from my hands and started to into her number. She then told me to call her or else.
This specific pissed me off but I let it go and just blocked the number. Alot of it is because we are men and we are supposed to be horny all the time.
My advice is to do what makes you comfortable. If you reject them, and they think your gay, so what. Your preferences matter
Sorry you’re having your boundaries disregarded and that you’re getting aggressive sour grape reactions. They are angry at rejection and are trying to save face or take their feelings out on you (https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/sour_grapes). It is inappropriate and immature.
Setting boundaries and saying no is not rude, even if they take offence. Sometimes it’s simplest to lie if they won’t respect what you’re saying (I’m taken, I have a girlfriend, etc). If you feel like you’re in danger, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.
They dont like getting rejected + you attract the wrong people
Suffering from success
So personally OP if someone violates my boundaries like that I’m perfectly willing to be rude to them. Fair play if you don’t want to, but I’d literally then say “And even if I was interested in a relationship, it definitely wouldn’t be with you.” Or some variation of that.
It’s totally reasonable why you feel uncomfortable, snd none of it is your fault, and I can see why you’d prefer staying home.
Sadly this is, but shouldn’t be, pretty common behavior they are displaying. Especially in situations where alcohol is involved. It happens for women as well, quite often. They shouldn’t do any of what you just said, it’s wrong, and you’re justified in feeling the way you feel. With people who don’t take no for an answer, and don’t respect you or your boundaries, it’s okay to bluntly stand up for yourself though. I think you’ve been conditioned, like many are, to believe conflict equals not being nice. Or that not being nice equals bad. Niceness shouldn’t come at the cost of your own comfort or body autonomy. You don’t owe someone who is violating you concern for their feelings.
Next time this happens? Pull the person aside. Tell them: “just a quick head’s up: I get the sense you are flirting with me, but I’m not interested in you as more than a friend”. They’ll feel rejected, but that’s ok. You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable.