I (F27) have been dating this guy (27) for a little over two months. He’s very outwardly affectionate and verbalizes his feelings for me, saying things like “you make me so happy” “I really like you a lot” “I love spending time with you”. He’s very honest with me and and even feels the need to let me know when he accidentally saw some drunk girl’s tits. Like to me it feels like we’re in a committed situation; however, he still has his dating apps and the other day he told me that he has a profile on FET (which is a kink dating app). The way he said it made it sound like he was active on it, but I didn’t actually ask.
His family knows about me and I’ve met all his friends and he’s met mine (he’s even traveling to my home city for new years to meet all my home friends).
So I’m wondering if maybe he’s just waiting for me to bring up exclusivity??
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If you’re ready to be exclusive, discuss it with him.
Trying to ascertain people’s needs and desires by guessing will drive you batty. Just communicate with your partner.
……
So just bring it up.
If a guy wants to be exclusive, he usually lets you know within the first week or at least the first month of dating you.
Don’t chase after men, if men want you to be exclusive, they usually make it crystal clear.
Do you want to be exclusive? If so then bring it up. Why would you need to wait for him to?
If you wanna bring up exclusively just ask him instead of wasting time thinking why he hasn’t asked yet
On a different post “the girl I’m dating hasn’t brought up exclusivity”
Well if this makes u unhappy then u shud bring it up with him. The Fet app thing is a bit creepy
Is there any particular reason that you can’t bring it up?
Well… Like I told a girl once: “I dont use the words ‘love’ and ‘you’ in a sentence unless I actually feel these things for you”. Also: introducing people to your family is a HUGE step. Why would you introduce just a bang buddy to your mother. “Mom, dad, this is snelly1840, and we engage in kinky no strings attached sex together”, “Ok son, just remember to stay hydrated”. Btw, I remember my dad telling my mum at some point: “Ok honey, I was just at the sports place, and suddenly this naked chick walks in. What in the hell was that? I am not sure, but I ran out of there like I did on the field” (confirmation: it actually happened because this woman was foreign and apparently there is was normal). He is also a very affectionate man and he tells us he loves us all the time (“son, have I told you I am proud of you?”, “Yes, three times already. I’m in a call”, “Ok son, good luck”).
Ok my personal examples aside: if someone is that verbal to ME, I would assume green lights and a go for a relationship. But of course you need a label. So there could be tons of reasons he hasn’t asked you explicitely yet. Maybe you should just ask him: “Hey *insert name*, I noticed you are so affectionate of me. And I love it. Maybe we can take it to the next level, and make it ‘Facebook official’ (whenever I am nervous, I just throw these kinds of mocking terms in the mix)”.
Why are you not bringing it up to him?
You have a mouth and two ears, and a brain that can put together sentences. Ask him. Yes, it’s scary, it’s never not a little scary unless it’s so painfully obvious, and even then it still produces a bit of anxiety. So just ask. You a fully capable of standing up for yourself and communicating your wants and needs, along with listening to his wants and needs. Communication can be scary early on, but it’s liberating once you put in the early work.
“What are you think when it comes to us? Are you open to or interested in exclusivity? Are you interested in any labels?”
Have a baseline minimum outcome that you want out if the conversation and stand to it. If that’s exclusivity or a title, or whatever you feel. But hold yourself to that. If he isn’t interested in that, move on. Yes better to know and start moving forward, regardless of the specific outcome than it is to be stuck in limbo hell.
I honestly don’t understand some women’s thought process.
A guy has to:
1.ask them out.
2.pay for the date
3.make sure they get back home safe
4.text next morning he had a good time
5.initiate texting
6.initiate the first kiss
7.initiate sex
8.bring up every important conversation ever
Etc.
And if any of this doesn’t happen, women freak the fk out.
How about you do what you want yo do, i stead of relying on a man to do all the fucking work, and take all the faking risk?
Yeah, it’s going to be up to you.
**[Mamihlapinatapai](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mamihlapinatapai):** “looking at each other hoping that the other will offer to do something which both parties desire but are unwilling to do”
The only thing you can do is ask. At least you know where you stand either way. As far as the Fetlife profile, have you asked him what brought him there? Yes some people use it for dating but it’s really not set up for that. It’s more like a kinky Facebook. He may be into something that’s a little different and may not know how to bring it up. Kinks go from very mild to very wild so don’t get worried about it until there’s a reason. Communication is the answer.