I’ve been working on self-improvement lately and one piece of feedback I’ve gotten is that I can be a dick sometimes. Do y’all have any advice? How do you train yourself to be a kinder person?

16 comments

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  3. What do you think makes you a sometime dick? Do you really hope to change your behavior?

    It’s not that I think someone can’t change, there has to be some benefit or awareness of self to be the motivation, like concern for losing one’s friends or being afraid of getting punched out (being afraid of getting punched doesn’t make you a nicer person so much as a more cautious person, BTW).

    Becoming more kind involves having patience, generosity, and empathy for others – seeing them as human and subject to the same errors as you. A nicer person wants to help and understand others (not to the point of being a sucker, though), sometime putting the needs of others before your own.

  4. I think you should elaborate on what you mean when you say you’re a “dick” sometimes.

    I’m a highly empathetic, and likely in the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum as you. I have had to learn how to be less agreeable. Seems like you are looking how to be MORE agreeable.

    One good thing for you to try is to stop and think: “How am I likely being perceived in this moment by those around me?” This will help your self awareness as well as consider the feelings of those around you.

  6. I’ve always found that I start being an asshole when I’m bored. If I’m interested in something or busy with work or otherwise having my time fulfilled I’m a way better / nicer person. When I’m stagnant and bored it’s the first place my mentality goes. If you’re like me, fill your schedule and see if it helps.

  7. I don’t. Some situations call for being an asshole. My default mode is “nice”, but, I have no problem being an asshole when it’s the right time.

  8. I generally am less rude or a dick when I’m experienced long periods of happiness. When I experience long periods of sadness and anger or frustration I tend to be less personable and I tend to be more rude and brash. Prolonged exposure to depression tends to make people dicks and mean and heartless because they’re suffering is immense. Maybe find things that make you happy so you can experience more joy and your life and you’ll find yourself being less of a dick or an asshole.

  9. 2 pieces of advice:

    1. Never trust clients / users
    2. Feedback is nothing but an opinion, are you a dick because of their behaviour?

  10. One thing I’ll say is fake it until you make it is a real thing, albeit oversimplified.

    The real thing is the progression of unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and finally unconscious competence.

    It sounds like you are moving from unconscious incompetence to conscious competence, where you are discovering a problem you want to improve on but don’t have all the tools to do it yet.

    As for your question specifically, I really can’t help but quote Ted Lasso (quoting someone else apparently): be curious. Find people interesting. Ask questions and force yourself to just try and learn about other people and what they think. Obviously I don’t interact with you so can’t really be more specific, but I’ve found that this is such a crucial part of improving interactions with other people.

  11. I don’t talk to ppl so i can’t hurt them with my assholeness , but sometimes ppl think i am an arrogant asshole when i don’t chat too much or act cold

  16. My goal is to live a simple, peaceful life. I have no incentive to give people grief over arbitrary things anyways. In conversations my goal is to share information or suggest a different perspective rather than run around telling people how I would evaluate this or that. Because why would they care in the first place and what would it do for me short-, mid- or longterm to provoke confrontation?

    I have enough on my hands as it is so I don’t try to waste energy on petty fights that ultimately prove that I don’t know what to do with myself. 🤷‍♂️

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