I’m 20 and I have a huge crush on my 34 year old coworker

First of all, let me tell you that I’m just here to vent. Of course any help is accepted, but I’m just here to vent.

I’m 19 and I found a job in March. I want to start University, but I want to make some money and save up before I do. I’ve always had a preference for older women. Why? I grew up without a mother. I used to think I was just more attracted to older women, at some point I realized that I prefer older women because I subconsciously look for a mother.

My coworker is a very charming woman, she’s 34. And she’s extremely nice. She doesn’t 100% look like any famous person, but if I had to pick a celebrity to explain what she looks like, I’d go for Taylor Swift.

This woman has always been very nice to me, she’s married though.. and I don’t want to be a homewrecker. I don’t like her only because she’s attractive and charming, it’s everything… I like how she dresses formal, she’s poised and self-assured, she seems to be pretty smart and she comes across as caring. She actually said ”you’re handsome, I’d date you if I was younger” but she really likes to treat me like I’m her little brother because she was ”assigned” to be my mentor when I was hired and that’s how our relationship developed. Sometimes she will say ”text me when you get back home safe” and it’s very cute lol.

I cannot get her out of my mind, I’ve been having a strong crush on her since March. I know that this is wrong (do not say go to therapy, I’ve already tried that, therapy isn’t a magic button that solves everything) but I just instinctively look for a mother figure,

and I instinctively feel she’d be perfect for that. She’s charming, self-assured and poised, respected and liked by most people, strong (mentally of course lol) etc. and I like the way she looks at me. She gives me that ”everything’s gonna be okay” look. She has no idea I have these needs, she just gives me that ”everything’s gonna be okay” look because she’s older and acts like an older sister.

I wouldn’t say that I’m an unproblematic person, i’m a bit of a mess, but I’m fine overall, I just happen to be the male counterpart of those girls who have daddy issues.

\-throwaway