I know I’m not asexual because I’m not okay with never having sex or engaging in sexual activities. I want to like sex and want to experience sexual urges/horniness, but I just don’t. I’m not even interested in masturbating (even though I have really tried to enjoy it in the past but eventually gave up). Is there anything I can do to help with this? The relationship between my boyfriend and I is great otherwise; we love and respect each other a lot. I just wish I could make sex a part of our relationship as well because I feel like it could help us get closer. Why won’t my body allow this and just get horny already!
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You could ask your doctor about it, maybe see if there is a physical reason like hormones or the side effect of a medication you take.
You could also take a look at a wide variety of romance novels / erotic stories / erotic videos / porn to see if there are any kinks or scenarios that spark your interest.
The boring answer here is that some people have their sexual awakening pretty damn early. And others have it kind of late.
You, however, are still kind of in the middle of the scale. Which is why people in most of the modern world on average have their first sexual experiences around 19 years of age, I guess.
The only problem here is that you are not as far into your sexual awakening as he is. Which can be a bit difficult to navigate, I’m sure.
As far as I am concerned, the answer here is that your sexual urges will one day come and smack you in the face pretty obviously so that you know for sure that it’s happened.
Are you attracted to him sexually? That’s important to ask because if you aren’t then no amount of masturbation/other activities will make you want to have sex with him. It can be easy to confuse emotional attachment/platonic love with sexual attraction.
If you think you are attracted to him, then maybe you just have responsive desire so you need to start to have sex before you get turned on.
Are you on any kind of birth control? I don’t have a ton of experience or knowledge here but once dared a girl who had the same issue. Luckily she was very open and honest about it and agreed to see her doctor.
Turns out her birth control was messing with her hormones to the point where she had almost no desire for sex.
She switched brands and after a few months everything was good
If you don’t experience any sexual urges, you may be asexual. You may not be *okay* with being asexual right now, but that doesn’t mean you can change how your body reacts (or doesn’t react).