What’s something you used to believe about relationships, but no longer do ?

26 comments

1. Love isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

2. That if you work hard enough at it, you can make any relationship work.

   I now know that isn’t true and that if you’re just not compatible or your partner isn’t working at it too, it’s not going to work and it’s better to move on.

3. That they have to be about a long term commitment. I think if people just took it one day at a time and communicated their needs honestly, then each relationship would be better off for it. They can be long, short, on-again-off-again, superficial, or deeper than anything ever before. Just live it and enjoy it.

4. I felt like that communication made always everything worse

5. That someone would like to know you instead of projecting what they want you to be and think that’s who you are

6. That long distance relationships work, they never do

7. They dont belong to you. Not even a ring will change that.

   Their love for you can change in an instant.

   The reasons why they are with you may not be the reasons you thought or actually like.

   Men and women will never truly understand each other. They experience reality very differently.

   Men and women are supposed to bring balance to each others lifes where their friends cant.

   You can never truly trust another person and you will have to learn to accept this, somehow.

   Most ppl cheat, you are not above this statistic nor is the partner.

   Love is often a result of repressed desperation.

8. That as long as you had love for each other you could make things fit and work. Unfortunately unconditional love is not a thing.

9. They are worth it.

10. Be open with your feelings/thoughts

11. that everyone will find love

12. There’s someone for everyone

13. That as a man, my needs and desires would be equally explored with a woman. In actuality I find that they are placed dead last if at all, while hers must remain at the forefront of my mind at all times else I’m a shitty man.

    I was told that a woman would match my energy and in most cases cannot compare to the energy a woman gives me when trying to establish a relationship. In actuality I find, That no matter how much effort I put in what I get back is very minimal and I mustn’t complain or want for more.

14. If you love a woman, take care of her, make tons of money, do everything you’re “supposed” to do you’ll get laid. Pro tip: doesn’t work

15. That people can’t change at a fundamental level.

    I spent years believing that the most amazing and kind person I’d ever met in my life would go back to being that person I’d fallen in love with and the abuse would stop. But of course the abuse never stopped. Which as I learned later is exactly how most abusive relationships function. Borderline is a hell of a mental illness.

16. Persistence is key.

    Fuck that. If there’s a problem both if you can’t overcome, it will NEVER GO AWAY. It will stay and rot your relationship from the inside out over years at a time. Authentically resolve your issues. When one person starts harboring resentment it’s over, whether that’s 12 days or 12 years, it will destroy you, no matter how hard you try to save the relationship.

17. That you had to have one.

18. That just loving someone is enough to make a relationship work. No matter how much you love someone no relationship can be healthy unless they make it a priority over their career.

19. That they are there to make you happy and give you pleasure.

20. “Cheaters can be worth it in relationships”- Young, dumb, idealistic me

    I now believe that they are NEVER worth it

21. That they’re possible

22. That there’s a soulmate for everyone…

23. That sex isn’t everything. I mean it’s sort of not, but it’s a huge thing.

    Living with someone who isn’t enthusiastic about regularly draining your balls is absolutely sad.

24. Don’t go to bed angry. Ummm big fat No. and that’s coming from experience. Nothing like getting chewed out till 3am. You get some rest if you only apologize for the sh*t you didn’t do.

    Yeah. Will never do that again.

25. They’re something you should work and build yourself towards.

    Now I’m not so sure. When I sit down and really think about it, the only benefits I’ve ever gotten from a relationship are a) regular access to sex. But not even all that great sex. More like, ‘better than nothing’ sex and; b) a second income to help split dates and some expenses.

    Now, that’s not to undersell the value of the above 2, but when I think about what I have to put into a relationship versus what I get out of one, the value-add just isn’t there. The benefits of having a relationship, that I was taught ‘this is why you look for relationships’ just aren’t there anymore.

26. Happy wife, happy life. I broke myself trying to make someone else happy and make them notice me.