I have mixed feelings about my relationship (F24&M26)
What comes to dating and relationships, I have always been against meaningless flings and one night stands. Staying and committing to one person has always been my ideal. But now I’m feeling different.
I’ve never been a popular person. No one was ever interested in me in school and I never dated anyone. Most of the time, I was the quiet kid, a people pleaser. Every day I dreamed about my prince right. I wanted to meet him in school, face to face. He would be my only one and I would marry him and get through life together, raising children. Years passed by, I never dated, kissed or hugged anyone.
Almost 4,5 years ago, I went to university. I was really insecure. A miracle happened, I met this guy and he was genuinely interested in me. We started dating and it was a complete new world to me. He was so kind and we shared similar experiences. We wanted same things in life, a peaceful life with kids. Only 7 months after starting uni, we moved in together. It happened very fast. It felt strange, but deep inside I was happy. Dreams can really come true, I thought. We still live together. We’ve had our really bad days, but life is going okay.
This year has been a rollercoaster. Lots of shitty things have happened to me. I’ve definitely grown stronger and gained more confidence because those things happened. And I have finally found my dream career path and passion in life. At the same time, I’ve started to question my first and only relationship. Our life together is nice, but something feels off. Sometimes I feel, that I get nothing from the relationship (except intimacy, support etc…). My partner is really passionate about his hobbies and talks about them all the time. I’ve participated in his hobbies, but they are just not my cup of tea. I would like to have a hobby together, but he is not really exited about that idea and it makes me sad. I support him and listen his hobby ramblings. If I say something negative about his hobbies, he gets defensive; “Why are you dating me then??” I have this lonely and hollow feeling. How can I feel lonely in a relationship? We have sex, we hug and kiss. We laugh together. He says he loves me so much. He boasts about me to his relatives, that I’m so kind and supportive, best girl ever. I’ve made him happy. Almost every single day he talks about our future kids. Recently I have been wanting more alone time. Sometimes I think that I would be happier alone. Everything looks perfect outside, but a part of me is not happy. Have I grown apart from my partner? What is this feeling of wanting more?
I feel guilty and confused, because I have these odd feelings. Why would I leave this kind man, who shares the same future goals with me? Leaving him would be against my morals. I don’t know what to do.
TLDR: I feel lonely in my 4 year relationship and I don’t know what to do, leaving him feels wrong.
2 comments
>Every day I dreamed about my prince right.
There is the problem with dreams and fairytales – they leave out the grey, common, dusty days. Yes, your “prince” has hobbies that are not your cup of tea. Yes, your spark is gone, because it lasts two years maximum and is purely hormonal.
>Sometimes I feel, that I get nothing from the relationship (except intimacy, support etc…).
Um, what else are you wanting, exactly? “Intimacy, support, etc” sounds pretty good. Is it about not sharing hobbies or interests? That can certainly be nice, but maybe you can seek friends through your hobbies to fulfill that particular need.
Of course it’s always okay to leave a relationship if you’re unhappy. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t work and there’s nothing we can do about it, but in this case it might be worth exploring therapy and seeing if you can make it work. (And maybe you can’t, which is okay, but it’s worth trying.)