I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and.. we haven’t had sex once because it is so incredibly painful to have anything of any size inside of me. I’ve struggled to insert my own fingers no matter how turned on I am or relaxed I feel.
We tried once and it was like… stingingly painful and I bled a lot and just everywhere and then again another time and it was the same. I thought we did the whole hymen-breaky stuff the first time but apparently I had more blood to give. It even stung really bad to pee afterwards like salting a wound.
I’ve looked stuff up and feel really insecure about all the stuff that says it shouldn’t hurt so bad the first time and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong I’ve followed all the advice. The lube and prep and foreplay and still when his hands get near me he can’t even get in. I don’t feel tense or anything as I WANT it but it’s like a wall.
I am confused and upset and don’t know what to do. I have though about just letting him push through and idk crying into a pillow just to get it over with but that’s not productive. I’m tired of this and I’m frustrated. Communication with him is good and he understands but it’s still invalidating and upsetting.
What do I do or try at this point..?
EDIT
So seems an at-home remedy has been surpassed I’ll just be seeing a Dr about it. Thanks for the help I wasn’t sure if my problem should have been escalated to a medical one or if I was just doing something wrong. ❤️❤️
17 comments
What’s your gynecologist say?
Go and see a doctor
Go see a doctor you might have vaginismus for example (not a disease don’t worry).
Since you’ve tried fingers and foreplay and lube, it’s time for a doctor’s appointment. There are totally treatable reasons why you could be having this pain. Theres no reason for you to suffer.
You described the problem like “a wall”. Usually hitting a wall followed by pain is an indication of some kind of pelvic floor dysfunction, which pelvic floor therapy can fix.
Make an appointment with your GP and ask about pelvic floor therapy and/or a referral to an OBGYN. Check out the female sexual pain section of the sub FAQ. You can also get the book The Vagina Bible, by OBGYN Dr. Jen Gunter. She has a section at the back of the book about things that can cause pain during sex.
This is normal and more common than you think! You are not broken!
Vaginismus is what you’re looking for. It can be overcome, you will enjoy sex.
It sounds like a medical issue. Go see your GYN. Or at least here them rule out any physical problems.
See a dr
There are some specific conditions that can cause this. It sounds as though you might need medical advice. Make an appointment with a gynecologist beautifull woman. It may be embarrasing for your first visit but you shouldnt need to be in so much pain.
Go see a doctor. It may be something like a persistent infection.
A doctor will be able to identify what exactly is going on, and what can be done about it, so that your sex life is happier: less frustrating and more fulfilling !
Seriously? Speak to a damn doctor! Why was this not your FIRST idea?
I have extra tissue down there and I am getting a consult to have it removed. Not cancer. We thought it was vsginismus turns out just extra tissue. I even tried pelvic floor therapy prior and I relax easily and quite well. So that’s how I knew something was up. Surgery will take probably about 10 minutes. It was missed on all of my routine exams too.
You need to visit a doctor and talk about your problems.
You probably need pelvic floor therapy! It’s amazing…don’t wait because it can change your life. In my experience it’s only been women PT’s and they are so nice and respectful. They do have to manually examine you to see what the problem is, but the tips and exercises are a game changer. I had to do PT for my pelvic floor ( different reasons) but I have learned so much from it!!! Do not be embarrassed! It’s common but you have to seek help. Good luck!
Nothing wrong more lube its a muscle it will stretch. It takes time
This is dyspareunia. If you only have pain during sex and not during other times, that means it’s provoked. If all of your penetrative experiences have been painful it’s primary. If you’ve been able to have pain free sex but no longer can, that’s secondary. If you feel burning at the entrance, that’s vulvodynia (vulvar or entroitus pain). If you feel it’s hitting a wall in your vagina it’s vaginismus. You may have both vaginismus and vulvodynia.
A few things to treat: pelvic floor physical therapy, antidepressants (Wellbutrin specifically helped me), topical hormone replacement, lidocaine, and getting off oral BC, especially if it’s low estrogen. Talk therapy and dilator training is often recommended, but all of this depends on what your specialist believes is the root cause.
Low estrogen BC is rumored to be causing sexual dysfunction in a lot of younger women and it really fucking sucks.
Religion and past sexual trauma can also cause this.
Ask your obgyn if they know ANYTHING about vaginismus. If they seem to be bumbling (a lot of obgyns are completely ignorant about this), run and find a uro-gynecologist who can send you in the right direction.
Doctors appointment.
Any chance you had a strict religious upbringing?