Why do I look better to my wife , at a time when I feel my worst .

36 comments

1. Or maybe she knows you’re struggling and is trying to love you a little louder.

2. Over thinking it. Could it be she loves you the whole package? Not just your looks. How amazing to have such a loving deep connection with someone. You are lucky. Best wishes

3. Some women aren’t into the buff, musclebound look and would rather have a dad bod for their partner.

4. Dude go to therapy. Your wife is loving you through a dark moment in your life and you’re turning it into a negative for no reason.

   And either way, many women (and men) do not like the super ripped look. I don’t know why guys have convinced themselves that that’s the only thing that’s hot.

5. She probably finds you attractive both ways but had more feelings of insecurity when you were ripped.

6. Speaking as a wife of a cute man with a dad bod, a gym bod usually takes a lot of work and a lot of time of way from home. Is it possible you’re at the gym less because you’re having more quality time with your wife? Maybe she feels closer to you for that reason and is even more attracted to you because of that.

   For me, emotional connection fuels attraction, If my husband was ripped but spent more time obsessing over his muscles at the gym, I would actually be less attracted. That being said, I still want my husband to be active and healthy, I don’t need him to be ripped to want to jump his bones.

7. I can look past the extra 20 lbs when hubby is a good provider, father, and husband. I love my husband’s crows feet, gray hair, and his older man muscles. I do remind him to eat healthy and avoid gaining weight, but I don’t need him to have a six pack to be sexually attracted to him.

   I won’t complain if he wants to work on himself. I am working to lose 20 lbs myself.

   It may be that she doesn’t want you to obsess and entertain female attention but she does want you to be healthy.

8. Maybe she just understands that aging is a natural process and loves you for who you are. Check your conspiracy theories.

9. Without having a conversation with your wife, the rest of us can only speculate on her motives/intentions.

   In my experience, love and attraction aren’t tied to looks. And unless you’ve told her that you’re feeling depressed and unattractive, it’s a stretch to assume she’s trying to keep you down, to lift herself up. It’s possible that she’s more into you for a myriad of reasons.

   >My instinct tells me she wants me to look like an older man so fast, so I can obsess over her.

   Do you not obsess over her now? Why do you have to look old for this to be reality?

   I’m sorry that you’re feeling down right now. I think a open and honest conversation with your wife will go a long way in this situation.

10. Meh.. she may be insecure but honestly a lot of women prefer a less chiseled bod. It’s funny because men think women NEED a ripped man, but when we are looking at a life partner that really isn’t our top priority. My husband is self conscious he’s on the softer side but I find him delightful. He’s solid, he’s still strong and cuddling him is the best.

11. Why are females texting your phone if your wife has an issue with it?

12. My husband is sexiest when he is prioritizing our family and our life together. I don’t really notice when he goes up or down a pant size, but I definitely notice when he spends more quality time with me.

    I also think he genuinely looks better, when he was younger and skinnier he looked like Martin Starr from Freaks and Geeks, now that he’s filled out and his hair is more salt and pepper I think he looks like George Clooney.

13. Some of us love the dad bod look, so there.

    I think my husband is incredibly sexy, and I know how strong he is even with the belly and whatever. The guy lifts tires on rims like they’re nothing and same with feed sacks two at a time (I may look out the window and watch :wink:). He doesn’t see why, just as I struggle to see why he thinks I’m sexy with my extra pounds, but I see it.

    Dude, if your wife thinks you’re hot, revel in that and stop overthinking it and trying to find bad reasons for it. If you can’t, get therapy.

14. Your partner loves you through ages and stages. It’s always sexy when your partner is just being themselves, what ever emotion it is at that time.

15. This is a childish way of thinking. She probably just thinks you’re handsome ripped bod or not. “She wants me to look like an older man so I can obsess over her.” Hmm my husband obsesses over me and that’s only been great for our marriage. He’s also an older man though. Lol Why is that a losing situation if you obsess over her?

    It sounds like you’re afraid she might leave you or is trying to bring you down which sounds a little paranoid. Are you withholding affection for her out of fear?

    Also why are girls texting your phone? She may have no right to be insecure but have you given her a reason?

    You both may be a little childish

16. Here’s what you should do.

    Get your wife to come to your banqueting house. With your beloved, listen to a song, about love. Go and get yourself a good song, and put it on for the two of you. If it feels good to your spirit, then it is good. Declare to each other, what are your thoughts, of what would make you both feel better in your marriage. Such as more intimacy, better intimacy, better finances, better communication, etc. Declare it to each other, while listening to the song. The song will lead you and your spouse, it will guide and help you two, to whatever the both of you declared. Things will get much better for the whole of your marriage.

17. She loves you because you’re you. I love my husband because he’s my husband. I don’t care if he has abs or a little belly. The longer we’re together the more I love him. Has she changed any physically? I know I feel better about myself not being as hot as I once was when my husband has changed a little too- if that makes sense.

    And maybe she can just see or know you’re having a hard time and trying to reassure you.

18. Sounds to me like you might be overthinking it. I personally think my hubby is hot as h*ll with some scruff and a little extra meat on his bones. She loves you, and finds you attractive. Enjoy it!

19. Because women often love their partners no matter what change’s physically. She loves you for who you are, not for your abs.

20. I like arms and big hands. But a tummy or weight gain? Not even part of the equation. Like at all.

    She’s not trying to sabotage you. She’s loving you and absolutely still finds you attractive.

21. Aww, it’s not about that at all I’m sure. She wants a connection not a six pack to wash clothes on. If she’s a wife- those days of wanting that are gone. She wants a husband. Sounds like you have some inner work to do if your now depressed. Surely a healthy and active lifestyle is best, and probably keeps your depression in check, but sounds like you need to dig deeper about your self worth.

22. Idk about the question but I’m similar to you in that I diet and train hard and when I’m like ripped and looking top notch in my eyes.. my wife doesn’t like it as much as say when I’m in a bulking phase and I have a little softness around the edges. Maybe they just like it? I know for me a woman that’s ripped is less attractive than one that’s toned but still has those curves and softness if you catch what I’m saying.

23. I’m in the same boat as you. I was a gym rat and ran 4 x 1 hour sessions per week. Then I broke my back. I haven’t been able to do anything for over 3 months and all that hard work is gone. My husband says I look sexy toned and sexy a little curvy. He loves me for who I am and not how my body looks at the moment. Even though I feel unattractive and fat atm, he has never for a second made me feel that way. That’s called love. Your wife loves you for who you are and not just because of your body and that should make you immensely happy.

24. Hmm. What’s the story on the notifications from women coming in on your phone?

25. She TRULY loves you! It’s just that simple… don’t question it, don’t be a dumbass, what are you doing on here reading this? Go fucking love her back! Some people look a gift horse in the mouth, geez! What are you still doing here? Go, GO! Go love your wife!

26. You never described the part where she ever said you look bad. Or “worse” then versus “better” now. I think you feel out of shape and insecure, yet ironically are using her insecurity as a scapegoat. Blaming her “jealousy” (which sounds like normal boundaries to me) is a weird excuse when she literally offered you gym time and pre workout. Go to the gym.

27. My partner only desires the assurance that I am hers, that if I demonstrate vulnerabilities, I do it with her. For her it’s about trust. No one is perfect, and my wife is acutely aware of her own neurosis, that can at times have the potential to pull others in. I’ve learned that it’s just her checking her sanity. It’s nice, because I at times go through a month or two of the pity pot, poor me’s – I’m only human. For women, it’s about exclusivity.

28. Being ripped and cut is a male gaze thing. The Dad Bod is where it’s at for women. Much more cuddly.

29. Maybe she wants to be the pretty one and not see you care about your looks as much.

    My wife liked when I gained weight too and “relaxed”

    Another note my wife likes when I’m vulnerable like the time.when I smoked too much weed and she can be in control and see me feel weird.

30. Yes, you are overthinking this. You said, now you are not as handsome. That may be what you see when you look at yourself (which is normal, we are each are harshest critic) but when your wife looks at you she sees the handsome man she’s always seen. It’s called love!

    People here talking about dad bods vs ripped, it’s all personal preference. Ignore what others want and do what you want. If being ripped makes you look in the mirror and feel happy about yourself, then be ripped! I guarantee you your wife will love you no matter what. And if she’s a bit insecure about other women wanting/looking at you, just reassure her every time that no matter what, you only have eyes for her. Tell her your muscles only flex for her. Y’all will be fine.

31. I love my husband buff. I love my husband with a little extra squish. We are going to change over time and I am with my husband for more than just how he looks like. Our looks fade but when you love all of someone those things don’t matter quite so much down the line as they do in the beginning.

    Your wife loves you no matter what state you are in. While your opinion matters, your wife is telling you she wants you any way you come. You are turning deep and real love into a negative paranoid thing: get thee to a therapist.

32. Wait. You are blaming your wife for you becoming a dad bod? Are you serious right now? What a narcissist.

33. I prefer my husband not ripped. He was super into working out for years and I hated it. Cuddling was total shit lol he got hurt at work and can’t do much with his knee. He’s still fit but not hard everywhere anymore. I’ll take him whatever way he is, but I prefer him this way. He doesn’t agree with me either. I think this is a depression thing and not a wife wanting you to look like shit thing.

34. You sound like a mental case my guy, don’t look for the deeper meaning. She loves you and is trying to help.

35. The ripped look is the male fantasy for themselves usually. Most women like a softer look. True strong men don’t look ripped anyway, not in that way.

36. I guess the real question is… Why do you need to look old to obsess about your wife? When you have all this muscles and get all this attention from other woman that takes away your obsession for her? In that case she is totally right. You should look old to be a better husband. The muscle husband doesn’t sound like a nice husband anyway.