My partner recently started asking for alot of ass-play out of the blue, it escalated quite quickly and is now pretty full-on, i’m totally good with this (after initial nerves and short-sighted anxiety) and we have lots of fun.
Shortly after this, he started to show more of an acceptance towards watching bi-porn (which I enjoy) but I declined because previously he had told me he’d watch it with me but found it a massive turn-off. However, on this occasion he seemed disappointed when I said no, and asked if I found it hot to watch men giving head to each other, and that he wasn’t sure but he didn’t think he would mind watching men have ass sex.I replied that I didn’t particularly, but that it didn’t bother me at all either. We didn’t watch it as I thought he was just trying to please me.
Later on, he gave oral to me while penetrating me with a toy, and stopped to tell me he had both myself and the dildo in his mouth. In the heat of the moment all of this passed me by as i’m kinky AF and we engage in dirty talk, but now i’m thinking about it alot.
I suppose I’m feeling more and more like he does have a curiosity, or perhaps more than that, and he is keeping it secret from me. Outside of sex, he acts as if nothing happened when we discuss the night and has an overall demeanor of having a degree of homophobia…I do think he tries to get past this, and that it is a result of ingrained stereotypes during his upbringing which he tries to push to the side now, but this attitude is making me very nervous to directly ask him.
So I suppose my question is to you guys is…
1) if a partner were to ask you if you were bi-curious (and you were) would that make you feel concerned in any way and is there a way it could be said that would be easier to hear and respond to without feeling negatively about it?
2) Simular questions as above really, but in the case that you are absolutely NOT bi-curious?
I should note…bicuriousity/sexuality is NOT a problem for me, but i’ll admit that secrets are so this drives my desire to want to know how he feels and to ask him in a non-threatening way. I also know it’s within his rights to keep this information from me, but i’d like to open the conversation in the best way possible so he feels he can share if he wants to. Plus, i’m scared of a strong reaction to the question, as in him being embarressed.
Thanks 🙂
6 comments
I want my partner to be 100% open and honest….period.
Once in a conversation I’d roll with
So honey the new stuff we have been doing is super hot and I love it is this a new curiosity or have you always liked your ass played with…. do you think your up for a good pegging…
Yeah this sounds pretty typical for closted bi guy and a supportive and curious girlfriend.
Explore it verbally during the heat of the moment. Think in terms of what would be least threatening to his masculinity. See how he feels about the idea of you being spitroasted or double penetrated. Bring up wishing you had someone to help you blow him and it would be hot if it was a guy. Possible ideas to try out.
Engage with him with anal, if he likes being penetrated get a strapon. Leave things going on during sex inside sex for now. And then like, every once in a while outside of sex hint that you’d like to talk about the stuff you’re exploring but you know its a sensitive topic so you want him to come and like actively open up and talk to you when he’s ready.
By showing support but also putting the ball kinda in his court you demonstrate that you’re there for him without pushing him to talk about it on your timetable.
It doesn’t really sound to me like he is keeping much of anything a secret from you! It sounds like you are engaging in some fun, kinky sex! So yay!
I’m not sure what pressing the term “bicurious” onto him gets you. Just keep exploring and having fun. If he wants to put a label on it, fine. If he doesn’t, that should be fine, too.
So why are you accusing him of homophobia? Why is he scared of gays?
Does he generally put your pleasure ahead of his own? If so, it may not be that he’s bi-curious. It may be more that he knows you enjoy it, and is trying to work it into things to make you happy. I have zero attraction to men, but I’ve had partners who enjoy male on male. So that made me interested because I wanted them to see me in the same way.
I think you should ask yourself if you really need to ask him the question. It sounds like he’ll open up on his own if you create a safe, trusting environment. I say that since he’s been adding in those kinks during your play time. So it could be something, or it could be just him trying to make you happy. But I think your best option is to accept him either way and let him do what he’s comfortable with at his own pace.