I’ve wanted to have the experience of solely looking for a friends with benefits or a casual hookup. I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but I still want to be intimate and have sex with someone.
However, I have a hard time conveying, or even making it happen. Say if I’m talking to a girl and I have a feeling I know she is into me to some degree because she is being receptive to some flirting, what I have a problem with is escalating it to take a more sexual turn when I don’t know the girls intentions whether she’s looking for a relationship, interested in sex, or both
My main fear is that if a girl is interested in me, and I convey a hookup or fwb it will turn her off if she was looking for a real relationship and make me look gross. So what ends up happening some of the time is that I get cold feet in making anything happen because I don’t want to either
1. Turn her off
2. Hurt her feelings because I don’t want to just use somebody for sex
How can I go about getting sex and trying to get an fwb or hookup when I don’t know the interested girls intentions?
2 comments
>when I don’t know the girls intentions whether she’s looking for a relationship, interested in sex, or both
So ask them.
When I was enjoying my single life I was always clear fairly early on that “I’m not looking for anything serious” and I would reinforce it once or twice if we were FWB, because unfortunately people hear it but don’t believe it a lot of the time because “everyone says that”.
>I don’t want to either
>1. Turn her off
2. Hurt her feelings because I don’t want to just use somebody for sex
If you’re going out to hookup you need to accept you’re going to have a higher dropout rate, that’s the name of the game but you still can and should be honest about your intentions.
Don’t worry about turning her off. If you ask respectfully and she is not on the same page, you two are just incompatible. Also, you are not using someone for sex unless you don’t give back anything in exchange for the sex. If you can either give her your best effort at a good sexual experience (if she agrees to hook up) or be a true friend (if she agrees to develop a FWB), you are not using her.
Being honest and upfront is the key. If she wants a relationship and not anything semi-casual, she will just say so and there will be no judgment involved. I have actually had this happen to me and it turned into a solid platonic friendship afterward.