My boyfriend of 5 months asked what my plans are for the holidays, saying he would love it if I came up to his hometown.
I got approved for a week’s vacation, but when I told him, he wasn’t as excited. We haven’t had any fights prior to this. We’ve had such a strong connection and loving relationship. We are each other’s best friends and have always thought we had open communication and have been honest with each other.
I’ve been talking to him about the trip and what gifts to get his family, etc., Again I sensed he wasn’t as excited. I just chocked it up to nervousness
He’s been a bit distance since he drove up there last Wednesday, but I didn’t give him grief about it because he’s with family, etc.
We’ve kinda been beating around the bush about me going up there until finally on Saturday morning (two days before I was supposed to drive up there) I asked if he could set aside 5-10 minutes to talk about the trip. We finally talked that Saturday night and after a dreaded awkward silence…
He asked if I was sure I was okay to drive up. And of course I said yes. But admitted that I’ve been feeling anxious about it, because I feel like he didn’t want me up there nor was he at all excited for me to be up there.
He admitted that it’s because he hasn’t spent time with my family in 9 years… and he feel bad… and he’s being really selfish about it…
I offered not to go and he said okay. I started crying, said I understand and told him he didn’t have to fix anything but i also said “this just really sucks”. Id just finished the portrait paintings of their dogs for his parents’ gifts he knew I was working on. But that’s besides the point.
And he reiterates that he been working so hard for the past 9 years that he finally now has the opportunity to hangout with friends and family and he hadn’t factored in me visiting as well.
He said he meant to tell me last weekend when we hung out. And I told him I wish he’d told me then so I wasn’t strung on to something that wasn’t gonna make him happy. And then offerrees to do a proper gift exchange when he gets back at the end of December.
Heartbroken, I told him that we can just talk when he gets back. He asked if I
didn’t want to talk while he’s up there. And my response was “I WANT to talk to you, but I barely get a response from you. And that’s fine. Spend time with your family and friends. 9 years is a long time. I’ll be here when you get back.”
That was Saturday night.
I distance myself to heal. He knows this. I felt absolutely heartbroken and in a way, lied to and rejected. But last night, I read somewhere “Always tell your SO you love them even after a fight” so I texted him last night “I love you. Even though I’m heartbroken right now, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you. Sweet dreams.”
I haven’t heard from him.. and I’ve always thought of him as a respectful, responsible, direct person.
I suppose all I can do is be patient, but if you have any perspective, I’d love to hear it.
TLDR; My boyfriend told me two days before I was supposed to drive to his hometown not to go because he wants to selfishly spend time with his family. He said he meant to tell me when we hung out last weekend. He’s been distant since he’s been up there. I told him I understood and that we can talk when he gets back that way he can spend time with his family. I reached out to him last night to tell him “I love you.” and haven’t heard from him…
2 comments
I would give him some space. 5 months is still a new relationship. Meeting the family is a big deal.
Talk when he gets back. The lack of communication on his part is an issue, but it seems like he didn’t want to hurt you. See where it goes after you talk.
It sounds like he only asked you to be polite and wasn’t expecting you to say yes.