I have been with my gf for about 7 or 8 months. She already asked me to move in and I said no because I’m not ready yet.
I was starting to back off a little due to the fact that ppl (mostly friends and coworkers) are telling me she is trying to trap me into having a baby.
We have talked about this but I told her I wasn’t ready for that either.
About 3 days ago she called me crying saying we need to talk so I go over to her house and she’s bawling her eyes out telling me she’s pregnant with my baby. I was pretty upset because she said she was on the pill and we used condoms that she always had at her house.
I am not ready to be a dad at all. I’m barely able to take care of myself but she says I can move in and she will support me and the baby until I get on my feet. (she has no other kids)
In regards to the cheating part. I’m not sure but have a feeling. she was texting with her ex husband about 6 weeks ago and was upset afterwards. I asked what was wrong and she just shut down on me and said she was ok
Then she went out for a long drive and came back really happy. I found out from a friend that he saw her car at her exes house.
I confronted her and she said that she stopped by there to tell him to stop calling and texting her. (bullshit imo)
I called her on it and said it didn’t make sense why didn’t she just block him and she said that with him only face to face would get through to him.
We argued back and forth a little and she told me I was over reacting and threw in my face that I saw my ex at a wedding and danced with her. (wrong I know)
Sorry if this is all over the place. I just can’t decide on what to do. I have no family and my friends know nothing about the pregnancy. I am not ready for this at all.
TL;dr: my gf is saying she’s pregnant with my child, she may have cheated with her ex and we used protection. She won’t do DNA test until the baby is born.
37 comments
Yeah don’t sign anything and DNA test is a blood draw from mom now no danger to baby or mom. Get it done after 3rd month.
First of all, do you have proof that she is pregnant?
If so….
Tell her you want a paternity test now and you will pay for it. Can you pay for it? It’s just a blood test for the mother and a cheek swab for the father and it has ZERO risk for the baby.
Insist that you will be completely supportive. She will probably have a fit and that’s ok. Even if she does, you are going to be entitled to this once the baby is born.
I’m sorry, you’re 23 dating a 36 year old? Just curious… why???
In the future, never use condoms that you did not buy
If she absolutely will not do a paternity test now, all you can do is break up with her over it and wait until the baby is born to get one. Don’t sign the birth certificate unless you’ve seen the paternity test results.
If she’s so defensive about a DNA test, I’d assume you’re not the father until proven otherwise.
You need to get away from her, in the meantime. She’s clearly problematic and not good for you. If the baby turns out to be yours, then you’ll have to deal with whatever legal obligations you have.
There are non invasive tests now, I do not see why she cannot explore that option
Until there is DNA proof, don’t sign anything
I wouldn’t sleep with her again until she provides one
Biggest concern is you were using _her_ condoms as she was repeatedly pressuring you?! You do realize a simple pin prick could puncture them through the packaging while being barely noticeable, right?
This is another fake rage bait age gap story! Please don’t waste your time with this troll!!
Her refusal to get a DNA test should tell you all you need to know. In the past, pre-birth paternity tests were very costly and dangerous. Now, it’s just a simple blood test.
Before you commit to anything, you need to know if this is actually your child AND if she is truly pregnant.
My advice to you is to a) get a lawyer, b) never have sex with her again, c) do not see her again, and force all communication to go through your lawyer (there are phone apps that can facilitate this.
At this point you only have Her WORD, that she is pregnant, much less you are the father. Do not have sex with her again, you might “actually” get her pregnant. Be really suspect about any DNA test she has control over. She may get the “results” from photoshop and a printer, and those pregnancy tests you P on can be faked and bought online.
Sorry you are going through this, but she seems like a manipulator.
Good luck
UpdateMe
Never trust a condom from someone you heard is trying to baby trap you. Do a dna test and ALWAYS use you own condom you brought. She could have poked holes in them…ugh
She’s 36? You’re 23? Predator much.
Whatever you do, do NOT sign that birth certificate until the DNA test is done and be prepared to do this communication through an attorney.
Break up. Don’t admit paternity without a test.
Firstly you want proof of pregnancy.
Then you demand a DNA test, tell her that as you always used condoms, and she was supposedly on the pill, there is as close to 0% chance as possible that the child is yours, and you will not be proceeding with being part of her or the child’s life without one.
As for the cheating, there is a massive difference between dancing at a wedding, in front of lots of people with an ex, and texting one, and then driving out and going alone to his house. Regardless of if the child is yours or not, she fucked him that day, and I’d put money on the fact it has happened more than the once.
She can have a blood test done while still pregnant for paternity. There is no reason to wait. I would stay away from her until you know it’s your baby.
She won’t do a DNA test till the baby is born? Fine. End the relationship because she definitely seems to want to trap you, and make sure to get those results when the time comes. Even if the child is yours, sharing a kid doesn’t mean you have to ruin everyone’s lives by staying in a bad relationship.
You can not force her to do a blood test now. You can after a child is born. What I suggest you do is be clear that you don’t want a romantic relationship with her and that you would like to be amicable and have a good co parenting relationship and that you want to attend all her appointments with her (even if you dont and be sure to go). Do not get drunk and have sex with her because “fuck it she is already pregnant” or some shit like that. She may not even be pregnant at all. Do not sign a birth certificate till you have dna results. Do not rehash anything you posted on here with her. Even if she did cheat etc, that does not matter now as the relationship is OVER and you need to tell yourself it’s 100% over with no backsliding.
OP thew as many red flags as possible in this one. Well done.
A 36yo wanting to date a 23yo should have been your first hint that she had ulterior motives.
The age gap is a huge concern. Listen to the advice here OP! Break up immediately, do NOT have sex with her again, do NOT sign any paperwork or birth certificate. If she wants to try to get you on the hook for child support get a lawyer. Go no contact and make sure family/friends are aware of her predatory behavior. If you need to get your belongings from her house, don’t go alone. Get police involved if needed.
damn, 90% of age gap relationships are made of the same stuff
She is WAY too old for you. She is a creep.
Hi. I’m a pregnant woman. They can absolutely do paternity testing via a blood test now and it is non-invasive and won’t harm the baby. She’s got no reason to draw this out.
DNA tests can be done as early as 9 weeks via mother’s blood so there is no danger to the baby. If you have reasonable doubts and she refuses until baby is born, tell her to let you know when the official test results are in, whether she changes her mind or if it’s done on the baby after birth. Then move on. I’ll bet dollars to donuts she knows (or doubts) it’s yours but thinks you’d be a better partner.
Please !UpdateMe about whatever happens
You can probably get a court order paternity test.
You are definitely too immature for raising a baby. Also, dude, the condoms were from her? If she wanted to trap you, those condoms 100% had holes in them.
Always bring your own rubber.
She has your future all figured out, doesn’t she. Don’t do a thing for her or the baby until you know if it’s yours.
Don’t move in with her if it’s your child. It’ll be an awful experience. Learn to coparent living on your own.
So for now, there’s not much to do until you find out if it’s yours. Good luck and please update. I’m sorry you had to learn about women like her the hard way.
Do *NOT* agree to do a goddamn thing until you get a DNA test done. If she wants to wait 9 months, fine.
– Don’t sign the birth certificate until a DNA test is completed and verified. DO NOT take her word for it.
– Do NOT move in with her.
– Get a god damn lawyer if you have to. Actually, I recommend asking r/legaladvice about the consequences/worst case scenario/how to protect yourself.
It makes absolutely zero goddamn sense that with both the pill and condoms, she’s pregnant. I’m sure it *could* happen, but I seriously *doubt* it.
With the pill, you gotta miss a good chunk of them or not take them regularly for them to truly “fail”. And I’m talking 1, 2, skip a few, “ooops it’s been a week, I should take them.” And doing that really REALLY fucks up your hormones. So either she’s bullshitting you about taking them, or she’s immune to the side effects of starting and stopping birth control…
I just had to explain this to a friend of my bf’s who has two kids and was lamenting one night about how he “wasn’t ready to be a father, but that (he’s) happy he has two beautiful children”. When I asked him “how”, he said “Idk, she was on the pill. I guess it failed.” And I went, “Buddy…I have some news for you…it may have been accidental to you, but it was absolutely intentional for her.”
You used condoms at her house? Yeah thats where you fucked up, fwb, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, use your own contraceptives people are shitty
This age gap is weird. Sorry
Are y’all 100% sure she’s actually pregnant?
“Trust but verify”
What sane 36 year old wants to have a baby with a 23 year old? This is very messed up and I believe you’re being victimized by this woman whether the baby is yours or not.
so you suspected she was trying to trap you with a baby… and you let her handle all the birth control???
dude.
my guy.
bro.
Honestly you brought this on yourself. You heard about the baby trapping possibility and then continued to have sex with her and relied on her condoms and pill.
1 stop calling it your child, 2. Make it clear you aren’t signing birth certificate until a dna test is done. 3. Get a lawyer.
Probably do 3 first.