In my experience, it seems to send the message that you are weak and insecure and have no respect for yourself. If you lack respect for yourself, others won’t have respect for you.

Also, if people start making fun of you, talking shit, making jokes etc.. the best thing to do is to say nothing. Once someone says something offensive and there’s an awkward silence after, it makes them sound like an absolute idiot.

Moral of the story, have respect for yourself. How you treat yourself shows others how to treat you.

18 comments

  2. I would say it depends on wheather the subject you’re joking about is something you feel insecure about.
    For example if you make a joke about being bad at basketball when you don’t care it doesn’t come off as insecure but confident.
    And same goes for the opposite situation. If you wanna joke about something you are insecure about people may feel weird and don’t know how to act.

    I don’t believe there is a good reason to make people feel awkward for joking about something that’s not important. I think THAT can come off as being insecure and too delicate, especially when you’re just with friends teasing eachother or while flirting.

  4. You’re absolutely right. Self deprecating humor, while it may seem lighthearted on the outside, sinks into the subconscious mind after awhile which can easily lead to very negative beliefs about one’s self.

  6. self deprecating humor works if and only if, so far in the conversation, you gave the impression of an inflated ego. so when it comes from a place of humbling yourself that’s quite good, if your intention is to get pity for yourself then don’t do it..

  7. If it’s well established that you are self-confident and people already respect you, then putting yourself down just a bit and in obvious jest can really make you more charming. It’s disarming and makes you more approachable especially to people who don’t know you that well yet and aren’t sure how to interact with you.

    However, making yourself the butt of the joke, especially if it happens frequently, can destroy your self-image and social standing. But when you are forced to interact with jokes about youself (when they are in good humor), I guess the right thing would be to keep your cool. Either use a witty counter on them if you are quick on your toes, or turn the thing being joked about into something you are proud of, even if obviously ironic

  9. I polarize the feedback, I don’t allow many people into my life if I even get a whiff of negativity or narcissistic behavior (Had a terrible childhood that surrounded me by people who used me) I always thought friends were like this, but as I got older I realized it and started to stay away from these types of people.

    But sometimes those who try and sneak in often say something looking for a reaction (you can tell the difference between poking fun and being a target of their insecurities) will often get me agreeing with them, and I even suggest taking it to the next level where it doesn’t make sense, it loses value, finding me laughing.

    The amount of joy I get from seeing their faces get irritated by the fact that it doesn’t affect me, says enough. I agree with most of you, but don’t also care too much about what people think. If they have no value to you, let them say what they want, they were never really important, to begin with.

    I once had this guy who was always bothered by me and always pointed out something about me looking for faults. It brought him a bit of joy to see me frustrated, I assume he was lonely and had a bit of narcissistic behavior, when you’re successful people tend to compare themselves to you on a subconscious level, they think everything you have was given to you easily, and you don’t deserve it, they don’t see the work you do to get the life you have that they want (not everyone, but sometimes it bothers people to see you doing better than they are) Whenever he was proved wrong indirectly he would go looking for something else. it would upset him to be proven wrong, for his instincts to be wrong.

    He tried for a while to purposely mispronounce my name (TOCOS let’s say instead of Tacos), and he knows me very well as he as said my name properly many times, for a few weeks maybe a month or two whenever I ran into him, he would purposely bring up my name when talking but mispronouncing it..just waiting for me to correct him.

    Instead, I let it be, and never corrected him I know this was attention-seeking behavior, and he wasn’t someone who I value or care if they knew how to pronounce my name or not, so I didn’t care to correct them. Who is that person to me? There is no value in correcting them because they’re not that important to me.

    One day he asked me isn’t your name pronounced “Tacos” and I told him most people call me that, but its cool you can call me TOCOS, for you I’ll allow it 😉 And he lost his shit again, was angry that I wasn’t upset or reactive to what he was looking for.

    The better you get in life, shy or quiet, or introverted, the more people try to make up stories and find faults so they can answer their brain’s curiosity.

    This is a good post to remind you to understand what your value is and know who you are, but don’t ever let people ever take away your peace. Only favor the ones YOU care about, the rest is noise, let them be, the more stoic you are in your responses the more joy you’ll get by seeing how frustrated those people who despise you become. it’s a wonderful feeling.

    Remember “Kill them with success and bury them with your smile!”

  10. Self deprecating humor is the only thing that keeps others from bowing down and worshipping me like a God.

  11. There is a place for self deprecating humor but it’s easy to overdo it for people with bad social skills. So this is not a bad advice even though i don’t necessarily agree with the reasons

  12. Some can be fine, if appropriate and not shoved into a conversation.

    In most adult, respectful situations, like work after your first job and such, it’s not really a “weak” sign. Too much is simply 1. A sign someone might have some issues and 2. Making the conversation all about you.

  14. You are totally wrong with this. Self deprecating humor is completely acceptable if you say it with an air of confidence and self assurance. If you seem insecure and try self deprecating humor, it can make people uncomfortable and it may not land well.

    As for people making jokes about you, that is called banter, and teasing. Its pretty common for people to do in an informal environment. If you say nothing, as you suggest, you’re showing them that you’re taking it personally and making it uncomfortable for everyone. Getting angry and saying nothing is probably the weakest thing you could do in that situation.

  15. The general rule of self deprecating is, the first time it’s a joke. The 2nd time is projecting.

  16. Yeah I suppose there might be some uses for it, but I literally never use self deprecating humor and see no need to. I don’t think any of my social interactions would be improved by it, therefor I also see it as pointless and detrimental.

    A big thing to take into consideration is that the things you say are tools for communicating. In this case, I feel the negatives can outweigh the positives. It may be good to disarm others, but there are other more beneficial ways to disarm and connect that I would rather use.

  17. That’s not necessarily true. It depends on the context, comedic timing and delivery. Some well respected individuals are very capable of being self deprecating while at the same time being perceived as charismatic and charming. This isn’t a one size fits all type of thing.

  18. This is solid advice. I realized late in life how often I would use self deprecating humour as a ice breaker but it really just buries yourself. Modern day people are too malicious for that type of humour.

    I struggle to respond appropriately when I’m insulted or attacked maliciously too. I often find that I’m when I bite back people say “I’m being too mean or over exaggerating”

    There seems to be a certain type of methodology or psychology, where one person insults someone then when the other person replies the original perpetrator acts as the victim and accuses the defendant of being the “bad guy and going too far.

    Same with fighting when people say you can’t kick or use certain moves. Again if anyone can shed light on the name for this type of behaviour Tia

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